After reading the full correspondence between my ex and my sister on Facebook- I realize that he did not realize what was going on and was lead to believe I was actually drunk. He DID NOT help to push me over the edge like I have suggested- and now that I am coming back into some semblance of normalcy, realize that he was right in that I have made him out to be a monster- and it has been wrong.

Break ups are a hard thing- and to be honest- this is my first all the way around. Never believing that I would be getting a divorce- I am constantly reminded of the night we first met when I thought that I would spend the rest of my life with him. The love between us as been so strong and for so long that the loss of it is almost incomprehensible to me. I have experienced a pain I have never before encountered- getting dumped and cut off from all communication, and it has brought me to my knees- and almost killed me with my own hand. All I have known and loved in my other half has been taken away- and though it might not have been intentional- I feel like I was taken into the woods and let out of the car like some unwanted pet and compounded with the severe abandonment issues that I have- well- this whole past month has been one hellish roller coaster ride. I lost my partner and best friend- it has been intense.

My other half- who I consider my other half anyway- has had it rough- and even now it is being said to him that I am mentally ill and that he should get away from me as fast as he can. I can’t argue this point- as you can’t go through what I have gone through without having severe scars in the process, and it Is true that I have enveloped myself into the dark side of my past in order to constantly fight a futile battle against forces I have no influence over. It was the advocacy work that distanced us the most- and it is this that I am totally regretting- as I never meant to ignore or dismiss the feelings that were being presented against my work by my partner- although that is exactly what I have done. I felt that what I have been lead to do was right and that I have been allowing myself to be directed by God- but I doubt that Heaven had any intention of me hurting the one that I absolutely love the most.

I have been wrong and over reacting in so many ways- but in my defense- much of this could have been avoided through honest communication. However, I was in such a reactionary mode- that I don’t think that was even possible. I was beyond hurt and did not react well nor appropriately. I am humiliated by my own actions and I am so sorry I put Michael through what I did.

I am returning and staying in Omaha. Throughout this- I thought that I would find myself out and about- when what I needed was to appreciate what I have right here at home. Working intently on not only my second book- I have come to realize that my whole support system is right here in the Midwest, and esp. now- I need that support more than ever. Life is changing drastically, and no matter what happens with this whole break up stuff- I have come to realize what is really in my heart- and that I need to start living rather than just existing on the darkness and anger of my past.

But again- let me reiterate that I was COMPLETELY wrong about Michael- and I just want people to know that. The drama that has been instigated by many people around me have taught me that the best thing to do in a break up is not get others involved- as they only add more distraction and EVERYONE has an opinion. Michael is one of the finest , most upstanding individuals that I know of, and I was totally off base in thinking that he wanted me gone for any other reason than I make him totally unhappy and life is too short. Making a commitment to not only Michael but to God- I have also realized that for this time around- he will also be my one and only. I wish him only the best- and I am so sorry for the humiliation that I have brought him in my anger of having him leave me. I was wrong in suggesting anything other than Michael is one of the best people I have ever met- and though he has flaws like us all, he is great- and that this why it is so hard to lose him. He isn’t my end all be all- but he will, forever, be my one and only.

I have been told that I shouldn’t talk about anything personal here on my blog- that I should leave it all about my book and investigation. That it isn’t professional to tell the truth as to what is going on in my life- like it is some embarrassing secret and should be kept silent in order to keep from embarrassing anyone. However, I think I am more than my investigation- and though I might not be professional- I am human- and what is happening matters.

To be honest- I had a hard time early last week and tried to take my own life. Both Michael Bernard and his friend Tracy Kristenson knew I had taken 61 xxanex- but told everyone – namely my sister and therapist- that I was drunk to prevent anyone from checking on me. Hoping that I would die and this could all be over – they left me for dead, and now want to cry victim that I’m still here to talk about it- even though they did their damnest to try and help me kill myself.

Setting me up to leave so that he could dump me in the meanest way possible- my heart has been ripped out by someone I believed loved me- although I couldn’t be more wrong. I write this on my blog not to do anything but to see if anyone else can relate to what I am saying.

Telling me that after being buried alive and having to light a man on fire- I would easily get over this- I find that believing that someone loved me for twenty years is a really hard thing to loose. Knowing that my father’s family relish in my loss is also not easy. They abducted and killed kids- and yet I am the bad guy here. All I have done is try to seek justice for a group of murdered kids- and in the process have lost all that I have held dear.

Michael is right- I will survive this. I am getting ready to focus on my second book- which will be about Michael- who was Tristian in Rabbit Hole, and my relationship and how the advocacy work that I did destroyed the relationship between us that I believed would last a lifetime. Leaving me for dead- I know that this was all a lie. And now- publically- professional or not- I plan to expose the human side of myself in hopes to better understand where I still stand in this world around me.

Leaving me bankrupt- broke- and basically homeless- I am beginning life again on the bottom, and it is my hopes that people will be able to see the human side to all of this- and not the business side that makes us all feel comfortable. All of this was done long distance- and even now Michael has not has the strength to face me in person but has chosen to run and try and wait me out. Knowing that he and his friends read this- it is also the only way I know how to face and deal with the emotions surrounding this. Trying to help me kill myself just last Monday by assuring those concerned about me that I was just drunk even though both he and his friend Tracy knew what I had done- there is no love any longer between us. He wishes me the worst. I guess the ball is now in my court.

blah blah blah

Finding myself in the middle of a divorce- I have decided to take a break from my advocacy work in order to write another book. This one will explain what I have gone through since the first book and the trials and tribulations that have occurred with my advocacy work.

I never thought that I would be here. I still love Michael- but he can no longer take the work that I am doing. We have drifted so far apart that the guy hates me and will do whatever he can to lash out and hurt me- and it is going to take some time to get all of this resolved. I am returning back to get my stuff and my dogs- and I will resume my work when this all is over.

My heart is broken. I have sacrificed everything to try and do my advocacy work and now that is all I have left. I hope that those of you who have been following me will continue to do so- as I will be resuming my work right after I return.

It is difficult for me to look back at my past- for a myriad of reasons, but mainly because the patterns that were instilled in me as a child have just kept repeating themselves throughout my life. Old loops of my father run in my head- and funny enough if I didn’t recreate that in my marriage.

My father was a harsh man- and would spend much of his time saying terrible and biting things in the form of humor to degrade the person that he was talking too. Never good enough- my father had a way of picking out everything that I was unsure of about myself and then would harp on how it made me less than dirt. Today- two decades later- I realized that I repeated that in the form of my husband- who is much the same way. This makes me sad beyond belief- in that I wonder if there is any hope of happiness for me.

We do what we know. We know what we are taught. And the lessons that we learn generally stem from the experiences that we had as children. Despising me for the advocacy work I have been involved with- I was often chastised for offering my life up to a bunch of strangers that I didn’t know nor would I probably ever. Hating me for the life decisions I have made- I have lived for far too long under the shadow of my father, who tried to teach me that I was less than worthless. I choose to do the advocacy work because I was called by God to do so. If that means that I must give up everything I know in the process- then so be it. I am just sad that the one I must sacrifice is the one I love the most. I will miss the man I believed was my soul mate.

What I went through was horrific but what I do is not because of me- but because I have come to realize that my past is some people’s present- and will be even more persons future if something is not done. I equate it like this- I was in a warehouse of horror and somehow I got out. The question then became- do I keep running or do I go back in and try to help others escape? I chose the latter, and as such- my life has fallen apart accordingly.

My other half does not understand why I have made the choices that I have in my life. To be honest- sometimes I have the same questions. I just think that one life is not that much to offer up to God- and so I am going to do what I can to try and change the world around me rather than just accept the things that desperately need changing. I can’t live with the complacency that most have with the world around us- and I will no longer be bound by the apathy that many show regarding all of this.

So my commitment remains strong- and I will do the best to try and break the cycles of destruction that has been such a part of my life in order to prevent myself from repeating them in the future. This is babble I know- but I figure this is my blog- and so I will speak about what is meaningful to me now- instead of trying to please others- which I seem to be an abject failure at.

Anyone who tells you that I have not sacrificed to get all of this investigated does not adequately know the situation. I have been targeted for so long that it has become a common occurrence to me. My car has been trashed by my family- I have had a myriad of death threats- I have had dead animal parts left at my house- and people who have tried to help have only had their livelihoods threatened. It all has been an attempt to isolate and quiet me. The sad part about it is that it is effectively working.

I have lost everything I have held dear- and am now a stranger in a strange land trying to make my way as best as I can. I am no longer in Omaha- as there is nothing left for me there but a collection of incredibly bad memories and my father’s family- who won’t leave me alone. I have been harassed to the point where I have lost many of those closest to me. People are afraid for me- but more than that- they are afraid to be around me.

Sorry for my absence- but I have been busy restructuring my life, trying to make it harder for my family to target me. Thwarting me any way they can- my stepmother Joanne C. Shurter and her daughter Christina Blumkin/Shurter have been doing whatever they can to keep me from getting my family and their activities investigated.

Omaha is a sad place- Nebraska has a notoriously bad and over reaching CPS, which helped allow kids to be abused back in the 80s and 90s. Nebraska- like many other places- doesn’t review it’s policies often- and considering the money that is being made from these practices- have no real incentive to change things as they are- although the children who get wrapped up in the system often are hurt horribly from it.

The local officials and policing departments have ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST in looking into what I have said about my father. They play games with the victims- protecting the abusers- all because the abusers have connections and money- much like my stepmother. My own father came clean about what he was guilty of- and was just blown off and ignored. The Nebraska State Patrol has actively gone against me to keep from investigating what I have told them- complete with filing secret police reports against me on behalf of my stepmother. Working against victims in order to silence them- I have finally gotten tired of the games and decided to move in a different direction.

I will be restarting my blog this next week- and it looks as if I am going to revamp the whole website in order to make it more accessible for those who want to read what I have been involved with. I am also going into an investigation into the False Memory Pedophile Protection Foundation which I am writing about for the winter issue of Paranoia Magazine.

The only way to stop these activities is to educate ourselves as to what is happening- and that is going to be my focus still here on my website. I just needed to make a change- and now that has been done- am going to resume my quest in exposing all of this for what it is. Our nation is being influenced by a group of nazi gay occultists- which was my experience as a child- and I am going to do my best to show the inner workings as I investigate this further. The Bohemian Grove is a perfect example of what I am talking about- and for those of you who don’t know what that is- a simple Google search will help inform you. All of this has been happening right under our noses- and now is the time for people to see it and try to make a change.

Anyway- I will be resuming daily entries from now on – and I apologize for my absence up until now. I will work diligently to try and make mine and others investigations into this crystal clear. But for now- I think that a catch up is needed for those who are new to this site, so in my revamping of DavidShurter.com- I will also try to make it easier for people to read my past posts on my investigations.

Thanks for all of you who have taken an interest and have continued to read what I have been through and what I am trying to investigate.

I was on a road trip all last week- and now that I have reached my destination, I will resume blogging for the time being. While I have been gone- an anon named Critthink- which would be more aptly named IMakeShitUp, has been going on and on about Judy Byington’s book 22 Faces again- and I just wanted to respond to some of the things that have been thrown at Judy and her husband by a bunch of never do wells.

Most of the arguments presented by Critthink- who I actually believe is Doug Mesner, satanic practitioner of satanism- both privately and publicly, are mostly ridiculous- going all the way to suggest that they were inappropriate with Jenny Hill- who 22 Faces was written about. I have spoken with Jenny Hill- and what I have determined is that this group of pedophile protectors are trying to get the family of Jenny Hill to sue over abuse that they could know ABSOLUTELY NOTHING about. I, in my conversations, have decided that there has been talk of a big “pay off” if this group goes after Judy- and that is what is fueling most of the conversations around all of this. Goodness knows- the False Memory pedophile protection squad is based on lawsuit actions (that is primarily where most of their money is comes from as a group) and that this group has convinced people who were NOT PRESENT AT THE ABUSE OF JENNY AS A CHILD that they might be able to heavily profit financially for going after a book and it’s author.

The thing is- I was also like some of dissenters for many years, as I went after my sister and tried to quiet her when she came out and spoke of our father and his third wife’s abuse tactics. Not because it wasn’t true but because I didn’t want to deal with the truth of the situation as it was humiliating and hurtful to remember all of what happened in the past. However, years later, when I was set up to actually deal with what happened to us- I flipped to the other side and tried my best to expose what my sister was saying instead of denying it to the world. One must understand how much shame and humiliation is involved with our abuse- and it took me years of therapy- not to remember what happened- but to deal with the pain and humiliation of what happened in my childhood. There is a huge shame that goes with this type of abuse- and it has a tendency to keep victims quiet all by itself. At least that is who it worked with me.

However- I am at a place now where I can do some good. Investigations are going hot and heavy- and that is really what I think needs to happen now. ALL SURVIVORS need to group together and disprove this notion that there are only a handful of us relating the same sort of abuse that happened to us all, and that is my goal this year. To help empower survivors to come tell their stories in order to dispel this notion that what we went through as children is simply fabricated in our minds. TOGETHER we can all make this happen in order to save future generations for enduring what so many of us did when we were younger (and some are even dealing with it now as adults).

The Process church is heavily involved with these practices- and it is time- in my opinion that people start to wake up to the reality of all of this so that we can, as a society- change what is going on. This is my hope for this next year.

Fact:
A report of child abuse is made every ten seconds. More than five children die every day as a result of child abuse. Approximately 80% of children that die from abuse are under the age of 4. It is estimated that between 50-60% of child fatalities due to maltreatment are not recorded as such on death certificates. More than 90% of juvenile sexual abuse victims know their perpetrator in some way. Child abuse occurs at every socioeconomic level, across ethnic and cultural lines, within all religions and at all levels of education. About 30% of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, continuing the horrible cycle of abuse. About 80% of 21 year old that were abused as children met criteria for at least one psychological disorder. The estimated annual cost of child abuse and neglect in the United States for 2008 is $124 billion. (childhelp.org).

Fact:
A total of 2,039 suspects were prosecuted for Federal sex offenses in 2006, representing about 2.5% of the 83,148 suspects prosecuted in Federal courts. The main sex exploitation offense referred to U.S. attorneys shifted from sex abuse (73%) in 1994 to child pornography (69%) in 2006. Convicted sex offenders sentenced to prison increased from 81% in 1996 to 96% in 2006. (Bureau of Justice statistics.gov).

Fact:
According to the World Health Organization, up to 53,000 children are murdered worldwide each year. 1.8 million are involved in prostitution or pornography and 1.2 million have been trafficked. (U.S. Department of Health and Human Services: Administration for Children & Families. Child Maltreatment 2011.)

Fact: 797,500 children (younger than 18) were reported missing in a one year period of time in America, resulting in an average of 2,185 children being reported missing EACH DAY. (The Center for Missing and Exploited Children 2012).

Fact:
Abused children all learn early to keep their mouths shut. They are told that they will not be believed, that their friends, siblings or families will die if they tell, etc.

Fact:
Those who do survive adapt through various ways: dissociation, acceptance, daydreaming, denial.

Fact:
Those who die are never able to tell their story.

Fact:
Those who live through the abuse either bury the memories through dissociation, become abusers themselves, or live in fear of their abusers.

Fact:
Dissociative Identity Disorder remains a recognized disorder (DSM-IV-TR – American Psychiatric Association).

Fact:
Once in awhile a brave survivor does tell their story of abuse. In the face of adversity – the skeptics, the abusers, the pedophiles – all there waiting to pounce, to create the very reality of her biggest fear – ‘no one will believe you’..

http://www.cnn.com/2013/11/03/world/europe/edward-snowden-manifesto/index.html?hpt=hp_t1

So here we have the British Intel- which, by the way- is HEAVILY involved with the cult activity that has been happening in America- working the the National Security Agency to infiltrate and spy on normal people in society.

The problem that I have with this is that considering Jimmy Saville and all of his activities, how can anyone honestly say that these groups DIDN’T KNOW about what was happening with that jerk and his friends? What they know about normal people is bad enough, but then when they find out about crimes- and you can’t tell me that PEOPLE DIDN’T KNOW- they do what American law officials are guilty of and they do their best to HIDE and PROTECT these events.

Cult and ritual abuse have been around for a long time-both in the US and the UK, and it is just interesting that a group of treasonous eavesdroppers- who obviously know more than they should- are HELL BENT on keeping this information quiet and hidden from the public. It isn’t what these groups MIGHT know that is the problem- it is what they MUST KNOW and how they have reacted with regards to that information that is the issue.

How much did these groups know about Jimmy Saville and situations like that surrounding him- and WHY HAVEN’T THEY COME FORTH? Eavesdropping on people, saying you are looking for terrorists- but ignoring a bunch of satanic cult members abusing and trafficking children makes NO SENSE. As always- there doesn’t seem to be any truth or accountability with regards to this mess, and that- FIRST AND FOREMOST- needs to change in my opinion.