Many people have asked me to give specifics of my programming, and so I have decided to detail some of the things I went through. This could be incredibly triggering for some- so please read no further if you think this article could affect you in a negative way. I just feel that it is important to discuss and explain some of what I endured as a child and try to offer my explanations as to why.
The reason why the False Memory pedophile protection squad fights so hard to keep Dissociative Identity Disorder in the realm of conspiracy theory is that this was the goal of the MKUltra training. Programming helplessness in children- those in charge believed that their subjects were much easier controlled when inducing extreme trauma and fear as children. Dissociation was the goal of their studies, and the PP Squad realizes that if what so many of us went through comes to the public light there could be a huge outcry. That is why the False Memory Syndrome Foundation formed and has fought so vehemently against allowing any real discourse on the subject for the past three decades. Nothing more than a campaign to keep our governments criminal actions quiet through propaganda and intimidation, the False Memory Foundation is the voice of this movement to protect those who stand accused of crimes against humanity- let alone their own children. Claiming that all of our memories of abuse are fabrications caused by bad therapists, the false memory pedophile protection movement has done anything and everything they can to discredit our experiences. However, many of us, like me- never “repressed” our memories, which is why there is a new surge to quiet and isolate anyone who would discuss what happened in our childhoods.
I was involved with MKUltra before I was born. My mother went into labor with me Thanksgiving night but my birth was somehow held off until December 6, 1966. Being born into a family that was actively practicing Satanism- it was incredibly important that I associate with the 666 in my birthdate, as I was raised to be the Anti-Christ. Doing their best to make me into a sociopath- or worse, a psychopath- I was inducted into a program of abuse from my birth and it was all I really knew right from the very beginning.
I remember always being strapped down- to chairs, beds, and worse, their machines. My first memories are that of being on a machine that spun me in all directions. It was this that prevents me from even being on a swing- as the movement and motion of simply rocking back and forth is enough to induce nausea with me. In other training- words, sounds, and symbols imbedded in blinding flashing lights that rapidly flowed in the apparatuses that were strapped to my head. I couldn’t look away or close my eyes because they prevented eyelid movement with small clamps on my lids. Electric shock was often used in my abuse as a teaching method, and the fear of answering wrong made my adrenaline rush to the point that I was beyond hyperaware.
Drowning was also used as an obedience tool. Held under water until unconsciousness- the pain of waking with water in my lungs and the spasms induced by choking was a familiar thing in my childhood. Like I was told- “life Is pain”, and I quickly learned to be what was expected of me- although my obedience didn’t stop the torture of my training.
Much of the program I went through was all about reading people and influencing events around me. Basically looking for psychic achievements, I was taught to see into people- watch how they act, and figure out what they were thinking. Graduating each level- I was taught to remotely view conversations at a distance- first by listening, then by reading lips, until it came to a point that I was expected to look into their heads and try to feel what they were thinking. More than that- I was trained to look into a person and find out what frightened them.
It is hard to explain- but the best way I know of is to equate it to what social workers can tell you about abused children. They become hyperaware of their surroundings and the people around them. They become conditioned to guess the moods of their abusers as they desperately do what is only human, and try to avoid being hurt. Those involved in my training as a child wanted to take this to an extreme- see what happens, and ascertain if they could control it. Had my father and stepmother not make me light a man on fire when I was 10- which was neither part of my official training nor was I drugged in any way, who knows what I would have become. However, it messed everything up and destroyed my program of being a psychopath.
Up until then – the Satanic ritual abuse that I suffered went hand in hand with the MKUltra training, although there is a huge distinction in that my training at Offutt Air force Base was abuse that happened to me personally- and the blood sacrifice that I was forced to partake in happened to others. Killing children was common in my childhood- and I was schooled in the rituals of worshipping Satan and manipulating the energies of the dark. No- we didn’t conjure any demons up and commune with them- but that wasn’t to say that rituals weren’t enacted to give worship and gain favor with dark forces. For me as a child- Satan was much more real than God- and in many ways- MUCH more powerful.
Human sacrifice is a necessary part of the dark side- and for me- all I remember of those we tortured, cannibalized, and killed- in that order- were prepubescent white boys. ALL of my training had a Nazi flair to it but although I know survivors who killed African Americans; such wasn’t true of my abuse. There also were NO BABIES murdered by our group, or at least none that I am aware of. However, there were countless numbers of young boys sacrificed- and at the moment right after their death, we always drank their blood and I always got raped.
Being buried alive in a casket with a corpse was also part of my abuse, as well as watching other children be buried. Forced to lay on a grave in Forest Lawn Cemetery after I watched a boy being buried alive, I was told to listen closely and see if I could hear him screaming. For the longest time I figured the boy was dead until my sister pointed out that he probably was dug up later on- just as I was dug up eventually. But then- everything was a mind fuck back then.
A constant in my childhood was always being drugged, thus preventing me from really knowing what was going on a lot of the time. Mantras such as “Remember to Forget” were drilled in my head, and I spent much of my life- as a result- doubting my own reality and life experiences. Often times it was just easier to pretend it wasn’t happening- or mentally drift away so that I wasn’t consciously there- and the drugs helped make that possible. Dissociation was so much easier when I was doped up and desperately trying to escape what was happening to me. Mentally going somewhere else- or pretending I was someone else- to escape the horror, shame, and derogation that I was experiencing was an everyday experience for me.
When I wrote Rabbit Hole- A Satanic Ritual Abuse Survivor’s Story, I wanted to see what I remembered in black and white to help me figure out if what I lived through was real or just crazy? I had been content all my life believing that I was crazy because it was easier than actually dealing with the truth of the whole mess, besides- when my father and stepmother weren’t trying to convince me to commit suicide- they were doing their best to negate and reconstruct my every day reality by assuring me that I was crazy- horribly flawed- and “not worth the air that I breathed.” But a funny thing happened in writing Rabbit Hole in that I learned that what I remembered was not only possible- but probable considering all that was going on at the time. I gained a whole new perspective of the world that allowed me to find my place in helping to expose and change what I believe is still happening to others still today. The thing is- there are a whole community of survivors who can relate to everything I have said in this post and have their own tales of horror as to what happened to them that, and although we are all different, our experiences are all too similar to each other.
There are two things that differentiate me from many other survivors in that I never really repressed my experiences and I have what so many others lack- and that is corroboration from another family member- that being my older sister. All three of my older siblings went through what I did, only they had it worse because my father and his friends were much younger and more energetic when they were children- although their enthusiasm certainly wasn’t lacking years later when I came along. We all remembered what we had experienced, and spoke about it in great detail when we would reminisce about our childhoods and what we all had gone through growing up in the family that we did. Although my older sister and brother are now deceased- there are still two of us left- and considering that my sister graduated at the top of her class at the end of both her undergrad and masters level work, she can hardly be considered crazy like my family always asserted about her when she stood as the whistleblower and began speaking out loud of a past the rest of us were all too eager to forget.
Always asked the question why I didn’t end up dead or in jail- it took me a long time to admit that it was only by the grace of God that I survived- and learning the energy work that I did in my training has allowed me, as an adult, to connect with the world and those within it in a way that wouldn’t have been possible had I not gone through what I had. In a way-I kind of look at it as if I went through God’s training camp and learned how to be a warrior as a result. Taught to be tenacious, unrelenting, and have no mercy basically- I have come to the conclusion that what is one life to give to God, and so I have, throughout the years, educated myself as to how to use what I was taught rather than run from it- thus becoming the man I WANT to be rather than allow myself to be the monster they did their best to convince me I was. I have come to grasp the fact that I am formidable in my own right and what they taught me so voraciously works in ways that I don’t think Aquino and his ilk ever imagined.
One last thing- I can’t impress upon people enough that there were, nor has there ever been, alien lizard people involved in mine- nor any other survivors abuse. What I and so many others have endured is the worship of demons- and it is this that I fight against- and not some dumb alien mumbo jumbo. The war mankind is fighting is much greater than aliens from outer space, as it is spiritual in nature. I was taught of the new world order- the grand plan to rise and be gods while subjugating the masses to nothing less than slavery. Eaters and breeders are what the general population was referred to, and there has been a long standing plan to create controllable chaos as people are so much easier to control when they are scared and hopeless. World domination- all with the help of demons- or dark energy- or whatever you want to call it, that has been fed decade after decade, century after century, by a bunch of power hungry Luciferians who believe that Satan lives and have been preparing the world for the war he is about to have with God- which they believe he will win. I was also taught that this time was now respectively. However- again- it was men and women and NOT alien lizard people that were behind this- and it is they, and the system they support- that needs to be exposed and not some otherworld takeover conspiracy.