Contrary to the Pedophile Lobby- Dissociation Isn’t a New Concept

Regardless of the False Memory advocates claim- dissociative identity disorder- once called Multiple Personalities- isn’t a new concept- and it didn’t begin with the book Sybil Exposed. Contrary to what they say- it wasn’t a fad but was discovered and spoken about in the later part of the 18th century.

Frenchman Pierre Marie Félix Janet (30 May 1859 – 24 February 1947) was one of the first people to discover a connection between events in the subject’s past life and his or her present day trauma, and coined the words ‘dissociation’ and ‘subconscious’. He was a French psychologist, philosopher and psychotherapist in the field of dissociation and traumatic memory and is ranked alongside William James and Wilhelm Wundt as one of the founding fathers of psychology.

There is also Morton Henry Prince (December 21, 1854 – August 31, 1929) who was an American physician who specialized in neurology and abnormal psychology, and was one of the men who established psychology as a clinical and academic discipline. A graduate of Harvard in 1879, he established the Journal of Abnormal Psychology, and is one of the men who further researched about European ideas about psychopathology, especially in understanding dissociative phenomenon. He was the American expert in dissociative disorders, and was the one who coined the phrase “multiple personality disorder”. In 1906 he wrote the paper “The Dissociation of a Personality” in which he spoke about his case history and the troubles his patients faced with this disorder. He was also the man who established the Harvard Psychological clinic- doing so in 1927.

So as you can see, dissociation and multiple personalities are not a new phenomenon.

1986 was the first time multiple personalities and extreme abuse- in the form of satanic ritual abuse, was heard in an American court of law. Paul Bonnaci- a man who supposedly suffered the condition because of allegedly suffering satanic ritual abuse- came forward when a minor by the name of Alicia Owen claimed that the Omaha Nebraska police chief Robert Wadman had raped her and impregnated her with a child. Discredited by a grand jury- who was, in my opinion, heavily influenced, they dismissed his claims- finding the boy so bizarre that he couldn’t be trusted. The powers that be called their allegations a “carefully crafted hoax” although no one was ever found to be behind this supposed hoax.

IN 1992, the False Memory Syndrome Foundation was formed to deal with the rising tide of people claiming to have been abused with satanic ritual abuse. Heavily funded in the beginning by the North American Man Boy Love Association, this group used what happened with Bonnaci, which was their prototype, in Omaha to develop a theory that false memories had been implanted by a group of rogue therapists and that dissociation and multiple personalities didn’t exist. They claimed that books such as “Michelle Remembers” and “Sybil Exposed” had influenced the public and that this is where multiple personalities stemmed from- but looking at the history of the disorder- one can see this is not true. They allege that these books caused what they coined as a “satanic panic” and began a “witch hunt” with people looking for satanists behind every bush.

The McMartin Preschool scandal exemplified this accusation when preschoolers began coming home with sexually transmitted diseases and started talking about horrific satanic abuse. Most of the public was unaware that McMartin was one of seven preschools in the area that claimed to have such problems- one of them being a Long Beach Catholic preschool. Fought venomously in the courts- the pedophile lobby uses this case as to why they believe that all claims have been debunked.

Of course there are new cases being alleged now- esp. the case of Jimmy Savile in the UK. The pedophile lobby claims these new cases are bogus- and that satanism, and esp. dissociative identity disorders, are completely false. Over-riding the victims claims, they blanket both the media and the internet with the opinions that none of this exist, and that they are all claims made through the misappropriation of bad therapy. However, the fact is that BOTH exist- and it has been ferociously fought against by the powers that be.

Multiple personalities are not a new phenomenon by any means, and it isn’t a huge leap to realize that our government has known about this condition and has continously tried to influence this condition to develop a kind of Manchurian candidate that could be controlled. Satanic ritual abuse, extreme ritual abuse, and mind control are all connected- along with child trafficking. Hitler was not the first one to employ these techniques in order to break a person down, but through Project Paperclip- when we brought all of his Nazi scientists to the United States after World War II to further their work- I guess he could be considered the Granddaddy of all of this. The fact is that the Pedophile Lobby has been working diligently to conceal our governments activities in extreme child abuse for quite some time now- just as England protected and promoted Jimmy Savile for the same reason. Being aware of dissociation through trauma for over a century- this condition has been well known and manipulated in order to control the population. But nothing can remain a secret forever- and I just wanted to publish the history of dissociation to prove that this has been well known from the very beginning of our psychotherapy history.

Testimonials Concerning the Ivory Garden 2014 Conference on Trauma and Dissociation

Ivory Garden Trauma and Dissociation Conference Website » About Ivory Garden » 2014 Conference Testimonials

There were approximately 200 attendees at this conference. About 1/2 were clinicians and about 1/2 were supporters and adult survivors of abuse. All were invited to attend every workshop. This was a first time for this type of conference. It was amazingly successful and an honor to attend.

We are still receiving input from this conference. Here is what we have so far.
Input from clinicians:

All speakers received 4 or 5 in all areas – according to the CEU assessments. Some comments:

Marv Thomas –



Colin Ross-

“Excellent review – trauma concepts”

“Interesting, well-stated, already, experience based”

“Add to conceptual background for tools of the trade”

“Great to hear actual content of what might be said in a session”

“Really appreciated the way the substance was provided to the ‘theories/concepts. Therapeutic Neutrality (unraveled and clear). Clear about the Stockholm Syndrome and a new dimension.”

“Great – as always. Repetition IS learning”

“Very helpful and direct explanation. Awesome!”

“Love his language – commonality. Learned – ‘Trauma Model Therapy’ and ‘Therapeutic Neutrality’.

“Interesting, well-focused. Learned: re-frame attachment issues. Will help with focus on attachment issues.”

“Excellent opportunity to hear Dr. Ross speak. Learned: ‘Locus of Control Shift’ (Trauma Model).”

“You Rock! Thank you for being the voice of reason. Learned: wisdom and courage.”

Joan Golston –

“Excellent speaker! Excellent content! Nice framing of boundaries.”

“Well done. Props were fun and useful. Learned: dealing with implicit communications – great tactics.”

“Visuals were excellent. Learned: need more information.

Lynn Crook –

“Loved it. Learned – activation of different parts of the brain. Want more of the same. Thank you.”

“I loved this. Lynn’s humility, enthusiasm, inclusion, and lots of great exercises! Learned: How participation exercises connect people. And everyone’s inner light can shine s beautifully. ”

Laura Brown –

“Very impressed with Dr. Brown’s presentation: content, overheads, style of delivery, and online materials. Learned: Content of abuse! The complexities of a survivor’s responses to the need for care of an aged abusive parent and their death. The importance of preparation before delving into addressing the abuse issues. Possibly, more of my clients are abuse survivors than I had thought. Great day! Hoping that you will return next year.”

“Fantastic information! Please bring Dr. Brown back again!”

“Very helpful. Learned: New perspective on difficult issues – excellent training which I will use with my clients. This is an excellent training. Repeat would be great!”

“Was great – wish there would have been more time! Learned: the contract for care – more compassions for both sides. Want more info. This was a great class.”

“ I learned and enjoyed the info presenter and content of the presentation very much. Learned: conflicts over subject matter that are relevant and so rarely expressed. To make a plan for what may come up for myself or clients regarding death or connection to perpetrator. This was one of my favorite lecturers – thank you.”

Ellie Fields –

“Good presentation. Learned: first exposure to method. [ Thought Field Therapy].”

“Very good conceptual presentation. Nice experiential presentation.”

Sandra Paulsen –

“Learned: bringing in different cultures, listening to the soul.”

“excellent unit – addressed diversity and accepting and open while conveying important information. Wonderful to hear. Assists with mindset in practice.”

“Very good reminder about gratitudes. Learned: bringing in cultures. Listening to the soul.”

“Loved the opening to intuition.”

“Would have wanted inclusion of RA/MC, but it was helpful. Thank you.”

“Instruction was very knowledgeable about the topic. Learned: Neurobiology integrated into therapeutic practice.”

“Very professional and thoughtful. Learned: to call particular part ‘part of self’ instead of just the name. child as ‘monster’, but only child with fierce defense.”

“Loved it! Learned: Begin before the beginning. Skills of integration. Thank you.”

“Great topic and useful materials.”

“open-heared, honest, helpful, kind and clearly presented. Learned: somatic techniques, EMDR, early trauma protocol. Will attend to more somatic trainings and incorporate techniques into practice.”

“Use of examples very helpful. Learned: Somatic Techniques. To repeat at end of sessions – tucking in. Thank you Sandra!”

“A language to frame and match my practice. Learned: About amnesiac block.”

“Excellent and clear. Learned: EMDR – would like more specifics. Learned more about dissociation.”

“Helpful and informative. Learned: working with introjects.”
These are input from survivors who attended so far – all 5 stars:

“Good work on everyone’s part!”
“I will be attending next year! This conference was very special, important, unforgettable and helpful!”
“This was such an honor to be a part of and I can’t believe I was able to go! The community aspect, the variety of sessions, etc made this a fun experience and life-changing too.”
“I was extremely impressed with the entire Conference. 3 Cheers for Felicity and Crew
Outstanding job.”

“For the first year, I thought it was amazing. I’m sure with time, it will do nothing but improve. I’m so thankful for everyone’s time and effort into making this a success!”

“I’m very happy this was done as it was very educational, validating and helpful. Definitely do it again!”

“ The hotel was beautiful inside and out. Considering we have never done anything like this before, we enjoyed it very very much. we would love to do this again. Hopefully financially we can, cuz it was very very good for us. Thanks to all who made it possible.”

“Our favorite CONFERENCE SPEAKER was Lani Kent; we thoroughly enjoyed the art therapy class. In close 2nd was Ellie Fields followed by a very close Colin Ross.”

“I LOVED it! I loved being staff there, i loved helping out. i loved meeting everyone. i loved being able to HELP. i loved it all! it was wonderful! i loved lani kent’s stuff, too and was glad it was there. it was a wonderful balance to the rest to have her creativity and healing messages there.”

“hotel rooms are really nice, venue is clean and smells good. i want to know more about fms and military ptsd. it was great, thank you”

“Overall the conference was a success. The accommodations were fantastic for the price. I felt honored to hear all of the speakers and learned so much. The energy around the conference area and during presentation was amazing – supportive, accepting, and loving. I can’t wait to go next year.”

“The Ivory Garden Conference on Trauma and Dissociation was the first of it’s kind EVER! The presentations were all top notch and the people who attended came away with a greater respect and knowledge of what it is like to have DID and Complex PTSD. Removing these conditions out of the realm of conspiracy- the therapists learned how prevalent these conditions are and what extreme trauma does to the human psyche. Gaining a greater understanding of how trauma effects the behavior of individuals, now the attendees will be able to take what they know out into the world and help others who were not able to attend. I look forward to next year’s conference- which is shaping up to be more informative and influential than the first. Kudos!!”

“The whole conference was a wonderful experience. To get to meet the people I’ve talked with online for so many years was thrilling. I enjoyed the workshops and most of all watching the suite upstairs. There were so many interesting people to meet and for the first time in my life I didn’t need to feel I had to hide who I really am. Colin Ross was amazing and full of helpful information. So were the other speakers. It was great when we got to play during our free time at night also. ….. absolutely made my night the night we decided to go on the town! It was a once in a lifetime experience for me and I will cherish the memories of all the events and the people, especially the person whom I got to room with. She is a super cool gal and I enjoyed her company very much. Thank you Felicity and everyone who made this incredible event take place. It was wonderful. Morgan”

If I misquoted anyone, I apologize. These quotes came from a form that was passed around and clinicians evaluations. I will update further.

Thank you all for you input and support of this conference.


A Reply to Doug Mesner/satanist Lucien Greaves Post “Tin-Foil Hats & Diminutive Super-soldiers: S.M.A.R.T. conference EMF shield hats”

Funny that Mesner/satanist Lucien Greaves post comes up when looking up my name on Google, claiming that I told him that I found Judy Byington’s book 22 Faces “quite credible”. This is a lie- I never said such a thing. In fact- over and over and over- if you look at the comments on the book with Mesner’s supporters- it has been complained about that I NEVER READ THE BOOK. This is also a lie. I did read the book. However, it is my contention that these False Memory supporters want to use the book to support their platform- and that they are using it to further promote their misguided beliefs that memories of abuse are always fabricated by evil therapists who convince their unwitting and obviously brainless patients of blatant lies. I think this whole philosophy is hogwash- and that Mesner is just doing his best to get a name for himself- using whatever and whoever he can to achieve this objective.

22 Faces is not written by a survivor- but rather Judy is just telling Jenny’s story. The False Memory Pedophile Protection Squad has twisted the facts of this relationship to demonize Byington- claiming that she was Jenny’s therapist (which isn’t true), and that Byington has coerced Jenny to make up lies so she can profit off of them. 22 Faces is Jenny’s story- and Jenny told me personally that she stands by everything that was said in the book- and yet the PP Squad goes on and on about how disillusioned and dysfunctional Jenny is. They then turn this around and claim that Byington has taken advantage of the woman- listing everything they found wrong with the book as proof that Judy is not only evil and manipulative but dimwitted. People on Amazon such as Gordon_bydand claim that they are saving the world from “another witch hunt”- saying that those who read 22 Faces are going to be so discombobulated by what they read that they are going to lose all rationality and start looking for people to burn at the stake. I read 22 Faces- gave it a three star rating, and didn’t experience such loss of my rational faculties- but then that is just me. Of course Mesner says that I found the book “quite credible” while his supporters constantly claim that I never read it in the first place. To me it was just a book.

Connecting me with Neil Brick in this same article- I find it funny that he has also says that I burned Brick- which is why I am not going to any more SMART conferences. The truth is that I can’t stand Brick- and I found him to be manipulative and money hungry. I was wrong when I claimed that Brick didn’t have a vendor selling tin foil hats- as I discovered that the year before I spoke he in fact DID have a vendor selling such things. The same year that Mesner misrepresented himself and attended the SMART conference. Just because I spoke at SMART does not mean that I supported Neil Brick- nor does it mean that I respect the man. I have taken a lot of heat in the survivor community because of my dislike of Brick, but I am not one who goes with the crowd just to be liked. I have called Brick a liar to his face- and had many issues with the man working with him on the NATRC as I found him to be a control freak who manipulates survivors and scares them into thinking that “handlers” are hiding in every bush. I CHOOSE to stop attending the SMART conference due to the fact that I despise Brick and what he does to survivors. I am not the only one who has had issues with the man, although I probably am the most outspoken person about my distaste.

The pedophile protection squad speaks out of both sides of their mouth- and when one argument against me doesn’t work- they just jump the fence and go on and argue the opposite side. An example is that I found 22 Faces to be credible and then argue that I didn’t read the book. Obviously both can’t be true- and in fact neither is true.

However- let me remind everyone who Doug Mesner/satanist Lucien Greaves is. This is a boy who has tried to attend the ISSTD conference over and over and been turned away every time. His chosen name Greaves is taken from a man who wrote a book aimed at pedophiles who spoke about the special nuances that it takes to molest a child- a book that Amazon choose to take off their website. This is also the boy who pulled out his privates in front of national media and put them on top of a gravestone thinking that this action made the deceased person gay. (Of course- judging by the pic- he probably made the woman gay when she saw how little his member is). You don’t have to take my word on this- see the pic for yourself.


This is the spokesperson for the pedophile protection squad and is typical of the people who are fighting to trash me constantly. However, Mesner’s actions stand alone- and it is obvious to everyone that he has no morals or sense of decency. He is also a liar and not someone ANYONE should trust their children with.

Nestle CEO: Water Is Not A Human Right, Should Be Privatized

Bishop Spong – One of the Most Intelligent Interviews On the Bible I Have Ever Heard

A Continuous Argument with Christina Blumpkin/Shurter of Omaha, NE on Amazon

I find it funny that my stepmother Joanne C. Shurter’s daughter Christina seeks me out on Amazon in order to engage me and now she wants to claim that I am cyber bullying her. She writes to strangers telling them that I am a violent psychopath, although I have ABSOLUTELY NO HISTORY of being such- but figures that people should just take her word for it. She and her mother- with her mother’s lawyer Gerry Friedrickson stalked me so bad in Omaha that I had to move- but now she is claiming that she is a victim.

My father came clean about his crimes with his hospice nurse Janie at Methodist Hospital, so Joanne C. Shurter sealed his medical records to keep that information from coming out- and Christina dances around, much like the False Memory Pedophile Protection Squad, amused that no one can see what my father told his nurse. Claiming that I am making false claims- her mother Joanne C. Shurter won’t release those records to anyone so that they can see for themselves. Constantly calling me a liar- and worse, she just expects to be believed because she is Christina Blumpkin. That name means something because these people own Nebraska Furniture Mart. She married into the family through Matt- who is a step son to Ron Blumpkin.

I offered to have her come onto my blog and discuss the situation- but she refused since I am willing to let my sister Kathy and her kids- who know Christina well and am unwilling to allow the Amazon trolls who are part of the False Memory Pedophile Protection Squad to come on. She wanted them to come on but not Kathy’s kids- because they know her as a slut and a trouble maker. According to ALL OF KATHY’S KIDS- they dismissed her from their lives because she tried to have sex with not only her own family members but their friends as well- and she doesn’t want this known. She has her OWN secrets in this.

As far as the False Memory Pedophile Protection Squad- I have decided to stay off Amazon and not engage them anymore. Nothing more than a time waster- this group, consisting of Critthink/Menagerie, Gordon, Karmakaze, and Murphy right now- twist everything that is said and attack constantly anyone who argues the validity of satanic ritual abuse. Very good at what they do- they constantly inserted themselves in the argument between Christina Blumpkin of Omaha, Ne as if they had any clue the dynamics of my family. Of course Christina was going on and on about how I was abusive with her- although there is ABSOLUTELY NO POLICE DOCUMENTATION to back up her claims. I guess that my father and her mother didn’t care enough about her to report my alleged abuse of Christina to the police or do anything about it. Of course, she is lying out her ass in order to save her mother. I have NO HISTORY of being aggressive or violent but that doesn’t stop her and her mother Joanne C. Shurter from contacting strangers through email to say so in order to prevent anyone from helping me. Constantly having to defend myself- she now claims that I have been cyber bullying her, although she sought me out both on 22 faces and my book Rabbit Hole- A Satanic Ritual Abuse Survivors Story.

My older sister Kathy has gone online and publicly supported what I have said- going through the same abuse as I did. However- Christina Blumpkin claims that she is the only one telling the truth and that my three older siblings and I are crazy and liars. Of course she says anything and everything she can to try and shut us down- like she knows what we went through as kids, even though Kathy is the youngest of my oldest siblings and is 12 years older than I, and I am 8 1/2 years older than Christina. Contacting Doug Mesner/satanist Lucien Greaves- she and her mother gave a distorted time line of my childhood, which can be found in Mesner/Lucien Greaves comments at the end of his article David Shurter’s Epic Fail.

Kathy and my abuse is well documented in hospital records- which is why Kathy was removed from my father and stepmother Joanne C. Shurter’s house at a young age. All Christina Blumpkin has is her view on events- of course she wasn’t even born yet when Kathy was removed and was incredibly young when I left home. However- it is fitting that she is working in conjunction with the False Memory Pedophile Protection Squad as she is cut of the same cloth.

Staying off Amazon- the only way she can reach me now is through my website. I will post ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING she is brave enough to comment on- but like I said- I am also inviting those who knew her as a child to come and post as well. TROLLS ON THE INTERNET ARE NOT GOING TO BE ALLOWED IN A DISCUSSION BETWEEN OUR FAMILY- AS THEY KNOW NOTHING AND HAVE NOTHING BUT CONJECTURE AND OPINIONS.

A New Conversation Between Christina Blumpkin/Shurter and I on Amazon

In reply to your post on Nov 1, 2014 8:09:50 PM PDT
CBNewMom says:
So, David, you CHOSE, yet again, to go against your word. You said you would leave me out of this if I left you alone. I’ve held up my part of the bargain. You now have not.

Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Nov 1, 2014 8:41:12 PM PDT
LoessJedi says:
and yet doug mesner/lucien greaves knows things about my past he could only have heard from your camp. please explain how that is possible.

In reply to your post on Nov 1, 2014 8:51:30 PM PDT
CBNewMom says:
“MY CAMP”? What, are we at war? Seriously…you have first world problems that really are questioable. David, I didn’t insert myself into this, you chose to force me into it. I haven’t engaged in conversation with anyone but Felicity (as admitted MONTHS ago). Is there something that you don’t want others to know or are you simply upset that a timeline of your life was posted by someone you don’t like? Just because he has a timeline doesn’t mean that it was either me or my Mom. There are many people out there that know you and your history who have come forward via Amazon or elsewhere to discuss their relative disdain for you and your actions. Why does it have to be from “my camp”?

Last edited by you 1 hour ago
LoessJedi says:
oh really? who? and even though the timeline was wrong- that info could only come from your camp. You have constantly gone after me ever since my book was written- and you mother has gone after me all her life. She is my primary abuser in all of this. But I would like to know who has known me that could give specifics- however incorrect- about me. Going to go live with my mom for a few months was the clue. No one knows of that. You broke your word, and so I acted accordingly.

and, contrary to your info- I wasn’t running the streets when I was with her. I never had ANY dealings with the police when I was with her. in fact I never was involved with the police ever- with either parent.

In reply to your post on Nov 1, 2014 9:07:18 PM PDT
CBNewMom says:
Ummmmm….that article was written on December 22, 2013. Well before I was forced into this. So, “I” broke my word? REALLY???? Don’t think so. And, if you read the comments on your book as an objective, and I stress OBJECTIVE observer, you will notice that there are people who know you and know about your past who also don’t belive the things you post about. I don’t know who it was nor do I care. What I care about is the fact that you betrayed the agreement that we made. I didn’t break it. You did. You Google something and react with no thought.

In reply to your post on Nov 1, 2014 9:09:59 PM PDT
CBNewMom says:
And, I do have to disagree with you about not having any run ins with the law. What about the car you took and wrecked? Doesn’t that count?

Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Nov 1, 2014 9:13:24 PM PDT
LoessJedi says:
Jim wrote that after I refused to let him live with me. In the comment section I posted an interview he gave me that says just the opposite. Going to live with my mom was never anything I spoke about, basically cause I believed my father and ripped her heart out in the process. You have lied about me and too me over and over- so I have absolutely no reason to trust you. It is best that people know you and your mother are out there causing issues for me. You set me up to get beaten over and over as a child. To say that I have no trust for you is an understatement.

Last edited by you 54 minutes ago
LoessJedi says:
the police were never called when I intentionally wrecked your mother’s car. oh wait- I stayed out all night in order to keep from getting beaten- but the police were only called to try and find me. The car was a non issue to everyone but my father and your mother. Obviously since I didn’t get into any trouble for it. Dad knew I did it intentionally and I was always amused that your mother had to drive it when the insurance company refused to total it.

In reply to your post on Nov 1, 2014 9:21:27 PM PDT
CBNewMom says:
Fine. You don’t trust me. In so many statements you said that I was too young to know what was going on or to even begin to understand the situation. So, with that in mind, I’d like to know HOW I set you up as a CHILD to get beaten? If I was SO stupid to not recognize what was going on how was I SO smart to set you up? You are full of contradictions. My Mom and I have stayed quiet and in the background whilst ou have gone out and publicly slandered both of us with your delusions. You are NOT a Survivor. You’re a liar. Maybe you don’t see yourself as such but that’s exactly what you are. Simply stated, a liar.

In reply to your post on Nov 1, 2014 9:26:28 PM PDT
CBNewMom says:
So you agree that the police HAD been involved when you were younger? And, yes, they were called so that my Mom and Dad could make sure that you were OK. You didn’t run away from being beaten by my Mom. Maybe our Father but not my Mom. You were always the aggressor with my Mom. I have many memories of that (even though I was a child and “too young” to see what was going on) And, your sadistic, sociopathic admission that you got pleasure from the fact that she had to drive a wrecked car just goes to show how much of a derelict you were then and how much of one you are now.

Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Nov 1, 2014 9:29:58 PM PDT
LoessJedi says:
lol- ya= Cindy Stephen Kathy and I all have said the same thing and the only ones telling the truth are you and your mother- who was HEAVILY involved in the abuse. Filling the toilet with toilet paper got me beat- after you ate chocolate pudding out of the refrigerator- I had to eat it like a dog and get beat at the same time. You were a spoiled pretentious brat who only thought of herself. You were 9 when I left home- you have no clue what the four of us endured as children- and yet you try to speak with authority. I am not full of contradictions- and Kathy- who is older than both of us- can attest to the truth of what I have said. Your mom hasn’t stayed quiet nor have you. You contacted everyone and anyone you could to threaten them from helping me. You have no idea what your mother was guilty of before you were born. You are just going on her lies. In all these years- you haven’t changed at all.

Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Nov 1, 2014 9:33:01 PM PDT
LoessJedi says:
your mom attacked me physically over and over. Even the school can attest to that. Your mom has NEVER been afraid of me- it was her who came up to me in Nebraska Furniture Mart- as the court records show. She only got a protection order on me in order to try and stop me from writing my blog and publishing my book. Funny how selective your memory is. Makes me wonder how much you are actually involved in what she was.

Last edited by the author 21 minutes ago
CBNewMom says:
I’m not involving Kathy in this only because she has children that deserve to be respected. Even IF I disagree with everything she says, I believe that she and her kids deserve the privacy that they desire. YOU have taken that away from them.

To address the issues you just posted. You might be misconstruing the time when Cindy’s kids lived with us and dumped a ton of food that they didn’t like down the toilets. Six kids plus two adults and one bathroom would guarantee a backup.

When you and I were kids, there were few sugary items allowed in the house due to the fact that you would eat them all and go crazy afterwards. Maybe you had/have food allergies…who knows. What I know is that I NEVER clogged a toilet to get you beat. Why would I? I know/knew what it was like to suffer Dad’s wrath. There was NO reason for me to put you under the bus. YOU always thought that “WE” were the second family. Do you REALLY want me to post about all the horrible things you did to me? I’d rather not.

In reply to your post on Nov 1, 2014 9:44:35 PM PDT
CBNewMom says:
Do you even REMEMBER your behavior in the courtroom?

Last edited by the author 26 minutes ago
CBNewMom says:
But…am I not too young to be involved???? I know and knew nothing CORRECT??!!! Answer the question David. Answer the question.

Last edited by you 18 minutes ago
LoessJedi says:
they would all be lies Christina- just as the things you have posted before have been lies. I don’t need you to redefine my abuse. I went to go live with my mom when Cindy lived there- or I guess I don’t remember that right either. Kathy’s oldest son came forward on amazon and you basically called him a liar as well. Just like your mom- you are convinced that you are the only one telling the truth. Funny- I don’t seem to have a problem with sugar now- nor did I then. You fit into this group- as you will twist and lie about anything you need to in order to be right. Just like your mother.

If there is nothing to be afraid of- then have your mom release my father’s medical records. His hospice nurse told Kathy at his funeral that we needed to see his daily notes. If there is nothing to be concerned about- this shouldn’t be a problem.

Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Nov 1, 2014 9:49:49 PM PDT
LoessJedi says:
i have it posted on my website Christina. I remember it verbatim.

Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Nov 1, 2014 9:51:18 PM PDT
LoessJedi says:
you were 9 when i left home. no- you didn’t know what I went through as a kid- nor do you have a clue what cindy stephen and kathy went through. Kathy has the paperwork to show the types of abuse- and why she was taken out of their house.

In reply to your post on Nov 1, 2014 9:55:49 PM PDT
CBNewMom says:
I know this is going to be deleted but F YOU DAVID!!!!! F YOU for even IMPLYING that you know ANYTHING about the end of my Dad’s life. You were ostercized because of your neurosis (which is a mild desciption of what you have) and you weren’t THERE to help him walk to the bathroom, to eat, to DO ANYTHING so F YOU and all of your effing lackeys…..whomever they may be. Dad’s medical records were sealed BECAUSE of you. BECAUSE YOU ARE MENTALLY UNSTABLE. Who would want to deal with that/you?

Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Nov 1, 2014 9:59:07 PM PDT
Last edited by you 12 minutes ago
LoessJedi says:
I saw dad the last week of his life. I helped him build his front deck. You will say anything you can to keep from answering the question- what is there to be afraid of? He told Kathy before he died the same thing he told mike and I- that he had skeletons in his closet. again- if there is nothing to be afraid of- release his medical records. but we both know that your mom is never going to do that because dad was coming clean in the end. and Kathy wasn’t alone- she had her best friend with her- who will also attest to what I am saying.

it is a simple way to end all of this. release the hold on his medical records.

Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Nov 1, 2014 10:06:43 PM PDT
LoessJedi says:
oh- and no one who actually knows me thinks I am mentally unstable. I have never had any history other than having PTSD. What do you think would happen if I got a hold of them Christina? That is a dumb excuse. You KNOW why those records are sealed. Again it makes me wonder how much you were involved with what my father and your mother were doing.

In reply to your post on Nov 1, 2014 10:13:27 PM PDT
CBNewMom says:
Guess what genius …I can’t. Nor can you. You helped him build his front deck? When? Not in his last weeks. I was there. I helped him. Eat, to the bathroom, from the bed to his sitting place. What is there to be afraid of? Nothing. You are a pain in the ass and that’s all there is to it.

In reply to your post on Nov 1, 2014 10:14:29 PM PDT
CBNewMom says:
I beg to differ.

Your post, in reply to an earlier post on Nov 1, 2014 10:20:21 PM PDT
LoessJedi says:
I hope you dont mind but I just published our conversation to my blog for posterity. That way nothing we said to each other gets deleted. and no- it wasn’t in his last weeks that I helped him build his deck. But he called me to his house when Cindy was there last and I ended up taking care of him for awhile. My father loved me. Which is more than I can say for you. He told me that he had made a mistake choosing Joanne over us. And his funeral showed just how much you all loved him. He was a liar and a fraud at cards just like he was a liar and a fraud in life and although some would of considered him a piece of art- most just considered him a piece of work. I have the disk of his funeral- Joanne C. Shurter was dumb enough to send it to me. Which shows how scared of me she WASN’T.

A Reply to the Attacks On Me on the Internet

I went online and googled my name today and found out that I am being attacked by a couple people and would like to answer these allegations to get my side out. It is typical for survivors, such as myself, to be dismissed and lied about so that people won’t listen to what we have to say- so I don’t take it personally. However, I think that it is best if I deal with this so that people can read what I have to say about the whole situation.

First- I will deal with James Lico. The man was my roommate for a short time- but I found him to be so unstable that I kicked him out. He never slept- and the more he stayed awake- the more delusional he became. Convinced that my neighbors were inundating him with secret electronic microwave weapons- he spent days drawing “lines of sight” on my neighbors houses. Later on I learned that he is an adderal addict. Taking the speed like drug like candy- it was the reason why he never slept. Yelling at people on my back deck who weren’t there- when I asked him about it he claimed that he was “yelling at his perps”. Convinced that he is being attacked- he put metal that sheds are made of around his bed, and wears magnets all over his body, convinced that this would prevent him from being attacked by machines he was convinced the government gave my neighbors. He also had magnets all over his room and above his bed. He says that his reasoning is none of my business, but it wasn’t long before I realized that the man is really unstable. One only has to go to his blog to see what he is all about. Convinced that his neighbors and the rest of the world are out to get him- I found the man to be so paranoid that he scared me. I was afraid that he would hurt me- or worse, my neighbors- and so I removed him from my house- but not before I turned his arsenal of guns and loaded clips over to the police. Although he has tried over and over to procure more weapons- he is upset that his name is blacklisted which denies him from obtaining more weapons, and he blames me for this. He has made a lot of claims against me that are untrue- and I can only feel sorry for the man because he is obviously very sick. Anyone who reads his blog can see this.

The other attack is being made by satanist Doug Mesner/Lucien Greaves. Claiming that I am delusional and a liar- he makes the same claims about anyone who claims they suffered the same type of abuse that I did. I have never spoken about a satanic calendar- and have no idea about lunar cycles- and yet he claims that I have gone on and on about it- although I have NEVER spoken about such a thing on my blog. His comments at the end of his article David Shurter’s Epic Fail- shows that he has been in contact with my stepmother Joanne C. Shurter and my half sister Christina Marie Shurter/Blumpkin- but even those are a lie. His time frame on my life is wrong- I went into the hospital when I was 13, and after leaving my father’s house at 18 I never went back to live with them. His attacks are typical- he does this to anyone who talks about their abuse. For those of you who don’t know who he is- here is his pic.


Obviously the guy has issues. If you google his name- you will see that he has a lot of problems with the law- and what he claims about me is exactly what he is guilty of. Once the spokesperson for the False Memory Syndrome Foundation- he is a prime example of what this group is all about. Doing anything he can to gain attention, he will stop at nothing to get his name out- including pulling out his privates for the national media. If you wish to trust a man who named himself after another man who wrote a book on the special attention pedophiles should give children when molesting them- you do so at your own risk. Writing his article under the anonymous name “Public Speaker”, he is also the Doug that made comments to himself under it. However- the info that he gives on me- although totally incorrect- shows that he is working with my stepmother- who was HEAVILY involved in my father’s activities. The comments I made about Mark and Walt in my book Rabbit Hole- A Satanic Ritual Abuse Survivors Story stand. I do not know if they were guilty or not- but my guess is that they weren’t. Even so- there was a lot of people involved with the child exploitation that never came to light. The documentary A Conspiracy of Silence, found on YouTube- also say this. The people involved were my parents friends- I didn’t just make up my relationship with them- and those who say I did are those who were no where involved with what was going on in Omaha. This is just an attempt to defame me in order to prevent anyone from listening to me. Also I have many interviews out there that people can listen too- so make the determination for yourselves as to whether I sound crazy or not. These are typical tactics to those who work for the False Memory Foundation- and just determine- looking at the pic I have posted- whether this boy is to be trusted or not. Someone who exposes themselves in public- in front of the national media- obviously has issues, and I find it amusing that he will go on and on about me without ever taking his own actions into account.

On Amazon I am fighting with a troll named Critthink. This guy is a 6’5 transvestite- although he goes on and on that he is transsexual. Ingratiating himself into survivors lives- he is obsessed with a woman who just threw a conference that was first of its kind. A proud member of the False Memory Pedophile Protection Squad- he also goes by the name Menagerie, a name which means “a wild animal used for exhibition”. Going out of his way to hurt women who are survivors- this guy is one of the ugliest women I have ever laid eyes on. Group calling survivors- he and his group are trying to hurt and isolate women who have been hurt terribly in their childhoods through ritual abuse, mind control, and satanic ritual abuse. Proving that this group will stop at nothing to hurt survivors, he and his group have gone all over the internet attacking anyone who claims that they are suffering from Dissociative Identity Disorder. Changing names and generally trying to stay anonymous with their attacks- this is typical behavior of the pedophile protection squad. Going on and on about how he infiltrated this past conference- he didn’t change his toon until he learned that I knew he was Menagerie. Of course- he spoke to me and I actually got to lay eyes on him- as did many other people. It is all games with this group- and they do everything they can to attack and hurt survivors in hopes that they can prevent the truth of our abuse from ever coming out.

There is no way to stop the lies that are being generated, so I am not even going to try. All I ask is that people research what I have said and judge for themselves whether or not I seem crazy or not. ALWAYS calling survivors liars or crazy- these are the same old tactics that the False Memory Pedophile Protection Squad constantly uses. Of course- they are ALWAYS anonymous- except for Doug Mesner- who obviously is so proud of his privates that he will do whatever he can to show it off to the world. I am just going to keep doing what I have- and helping those I can- and am going to do my best to ignore the lies that are being generated by this group. Of course- if Joanne C. Shurter hadn’t sealed my father’s medical records, where my father admitted his crimes in the daily notes- I would have more than my older sisters corroboration on the whole thing. But Joanne, and my half sister Christina- who was 9 when I left home- are doing their best to gain the help of the pedophile protection squad. Reading Doug’s comments on David Shurter’s Epic Fail- they have obviously been successful in doing so. However- I am not worried about it. My older sister has all kinds of documentation regarding our abuse- and if this ever does go to court- which my stepmother is desperately trying to avoid- it will be easy to prove my sister and my claims. Regardless of what a bunch of anonymous trolls online have to say about it.

Dissociative Identity Disorder – Protecting Little Parts from Being Accessed Online

Fifty-year-old Regina experienced early childhood trauma in the form of sexual and physical abuse. She learned to adapt to the abuse by dissociating the trauma and dividing into different personalities. She now holds the memory of these childhood events and feelings within ‘parts’ of herself that represent her as a whole person. She has Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) – meaning that the ‘parts’ of herself or ‘alters’ experience themselves as separate personalities. Some of these ‘alters’ have names, different ages, likes, needs, and dislikes, etc. For instance, when Regina was being abused as a young child, she never received the love and care that all children need and deserve from their mother. Her mother was her ‘abuser’. She never had a doll or a stuffed animal or toys. Rather than hugs, her mother beat her. Regina’s little parts continue to crave love and the attention of adult women – despite the fact that she is actually a fifty year old woman.

‘Multiples’, as we will refer to people having created ‘systems’ during childhood trauma often relate in their ‘now’ world as if they still children. As happened with Regina, the person may not be aware that these ‘little parts’ have such extreme needs as the basic love and nurturing of a parent or caregiver. Thus, we have an adult very vulnerable to anyone offering to fulfill these needs. Multiples also report symptoms of ‘losing time’, meaning that there is amnesia between parts. During ‘lost time’, vulnerable parts are literally in danger of being accessed by anyone who knows how to ‘play the part’ of the nurturing mother or child friend.

DID is what could be considered by some as a ‘controversial disorder’. It is, however, accepted internationally by the mental health professional community (NAMI, 2014). The controversy of this disorder was created by a group called the False Memory Syndrome Foundation, who during the 90’s tried to create a false public opinion that people with DID are reacting to therapists’ suggestion and/or a need for attention. Thus, survivors suffering with symptoms of early childhood abuse have found it difficult to get quality mental health care. And, social work students and psychiatrists are either ignorant of how to treat DID or learned to misdiagnose, despite that the common symptoms of DD do not fit any other classifications in the DSMV. They are taught to believe that DID is not ‘real’ and to accept that accepting it will somehow discredit them.

Though all of this is nonsensical and ridiculous, it is a reality. As ‘public opinion’ happens, we all are subject to adapting. And, in this case, public opinion has succeeding in silencing survivors of childhood trauma in a fear that they will be judged by the public as looking for attention and/or the victim of some crazed therapist.

But, times are changing. The FMSF is falling into decay, as more and more people begin to realize that they never were a ‘scientific community’, but bullies with enough money to publicize their agenda to a public that did not want to believe how rampant child abuse is in the world.

This whole scenario has left many adult survivors scrambling for some kind of support and validation with little knowledge of their own systems or vulnerability of the very system that once protected them. It has also left abusers whose fear is that survivors will ever become vocal, and they be discovered for their crimes. There are also members and followers of the FMSF who will do anything to silence survivors and the mental health professionals who treat them.

What I have shared so far are simple facts. You can do your own research – it is all there. This article is being written to relay a very simple warning to multiples who make themselves vulnerable to any perpetrator, regardless of their body age or knowledge of their own diagnosis.

So let’s take a look at how perpetrators can take control over someone like Regina’s system. We have to remember that perpetrators are experts at controlling children during abusive situation. They only need know that these children have basic needs of any child and will do anything to get those needs met – and offer to fulfill them.

Most of these perpetrators find multiples who are on the internet in support groups or meeting in real life groups looking for support and validation. These perpetrators are often called ‘trolls’, because one troll can quickly go through an entire community by accessing one ‘weak link’ – as they call the person they target – generally someone in a trusted position within the community. How is this done?

Perpetrators not only are aware that DID is a very real condition, but how their systems generally have and do adapt to the world. First, dissociation ‘is’ hypnotism. Multiples are experts at hypnotism. No one needs to sit them down and perform any act, but just need to talk to them in a kind, quiet voice, look them in the eye and, poof – they are in a trance. Or, Multiples can be triggered to switch to other parts by certain stimuli in their environment: toys, a motherly voice, a suggestion of love and attention, etc. Multiples must dissociate before switching. Perpetrators know that the best way to succeed is to get the victim either on the phone or in person for this to happen. Once they have control over the victim, they have control over adult actions. Befriending Multiples’ little parts through the internet is enough to gain trust.

Let’s take a look at what happened to Regina. She innocently joined an online support group. She earned other members’ complete trust within the group and became an administrator of the group. She became so close to the members of the group that she began spending large amounts of time interacting on the telephone and even in real life with them. New members gave over their personal information without a thought.

Then the perpetrator easily infiltrates the community as a fellow Multiple. He/she portrays as nice, understanding, motherly, and controlling. Within just a couple weeks, she/he accesses Regina and gains her complete trust. How? She simply tells Regina how much she ‘loves’ her, sends her gifts that would normally be for small children, and treats fifty-year-old Regina as if she is four or five-years-old, triggering ‘out’ Regina’s little parts, and fulfilling their needs. The troll soon learns the names of Regina’s little parts and spends most of the time talking to them. Regina is not aware, but in her adult form is loyal to the troll, believing he/she to be totally and completely trustworthy following their lead and actually ‘changing’ – acting as if in a ‘trance’.

In a ‘normal’ relationship, this would seem so strange and inappropriate. Everyone has parts, of course, but to hear an adult woman talk like a child or a mother to another adult woman would be odd and intrusive. It would be sort of like someone being hypnotized to believe that they are five years old and within this trance, they follow around the hypnotist as if they were their mother – who instructs them how to act and behave – as well as putting a suggestion that the love will be taken away if they don’t behave as instructed.

Now, we have Regina accessing an entire group as instructed by the troll. Regina believes that the troll is trustworthy. Regina even works to give his/her more and more access to all of the members. Regina becomes loyal to the perpetrator just as children become loyal to their abusers.

Why would perpetrators care to do this sort of trolling – looking for people and groups on line to access? That is simply answered. This sort of intrusion effectively keeps survivors from trusting each other. There are always survivors who will not fall for this sort of activity. These survivors know not to trust adults who call them on the phone or tempt them with baby talk, etc. Once a group is accessed by trolls, members will either follow them or refuse to trust anyone in the community any longer. Either way, the group has been torn apart with the very drama and chaos they know will silence survivors. Trolls sit back and watch as survivors actually turn on each other.

This is a case of perpetrators having access to survivors who are grown, by knowing that they continue to react as if they are children. These survivors probably do not have qualified therapists who have taught them how to relate to the world as adults. They have not taught them that no one will ever fulfill the basic needs that they did not get as children. Anyone who tries is a dangerous person. Survivors need to teach each other to relate to the world as one whole adult person. Yes, we all have parts and some are little and vulnerable, but still parts of the whole adult woman. Therapists who ‘separate’ out the littles as if they are different people are not helping the client. The most difficult part of healing is accepting that we will never have a mother who cares, toys, stuffies, or a normal childhood – including the basic love that all children deserve – NEVER. That very fact gives perpetrator access to every Multiple who has not done the work of mourning the loss or their childhood.

I am writing this as I have watched perpetrators so easily access Multiples on the internet and in groups. I have watched as good people became their victims for many, many years – ultimately inhibiting healing as they search for happiness and security within a false person who is using them for their own benefit.

Regina did finally gain help through a good therapist who encouraged her to mourn the loss of the childhood. The therapist helped her investigate enough to realize that the person that she so trusted was sent to target her and use her to disrupt the group. Once she realized that all of her alters were part of herself, she began relating to the world as such, returned to the same group and helped it be a safe place for everyone by sharing her story.

Thank you, Regina. Survivors do need to stick together and learn from each other and to help therapists realize just how vulnerable we are without their help.

It is my belief that with 49 million survivors in America alone, we all need to support each other. We need to be wary of wolves dressed in sheeps’ clothing. An adult ‘playing’ to be multiple by ‘befriending’ and offering presents, motherly and child talk is someone NOT to be trusted. To act as they ‘expect’ is to let them take control. This is not okay – Everyone should ‘trust’ according to if and how people respect you as an equal and intelligent adult. That is just commonsense.

Some Details About My Conditioning/Programming In the MKUltra Program **TRIGGER WARNING**

Many people have asked me to give specifics of my programming, and so I have decided to detail some of the things I went through. This could be incredibly triggering for some- so please read no further if you think this article could affect you in a negative way. I just feel that it is important to discuss and explain some of what I endured as a child and try to offer my explanations as to why.

The reason why the False Memory pedophile protection squad fights so hard to keep Dissociative Identity Disorder in the realm of conspiracy theory is that this was the goal of the MKUltra training. Programming helplessness in children- those in charge believed that their subjects were much easier controlled when inducing extreme trauma and fear as children. Dissociation was the goal of their studies, and the PP Squad realizes that if what so many of us went through comes to the public light there could be a huge outcry. That is why the False Memory Syndrome Foundation formed and has fought so vehemently against allowing any real discourse on the subject for the past three decades. Nothing more than a campaign to keep our governments criminal actions quiet through propaganda and intimidation, the False Memory Foundation is the voice of this movement to protect those who stand accused of crimes against humanity- let alone their own children. Claiming that all of our memories of abuse are fabrications caused by bad therapists, the false memory pedophile protection movement has done anything and everything they can to discredit our experiences. However, many of us, like me- never “repressed” our memories, which is why there is a new surge to quiet and isolate anyone who would discuss what happened in our childhoods.

I was involved with MKUltra before I was born. My mother went into labor with me Thanksgiving night but my birth was somehow held off until December 6, 1966. Being born into a family that was actively practicing Satanism- it was incredibly important that I associate with the 666 in my birthdate, as I was raised to be the Anti-Christ. Doing their best to make me into a sociopath- or worse, a psychopath- I was inducted into a program of abuse at my birth and it was all I really knew right from the very beginning.

I remember always being strapped down- to chairs, beds, and worse, their machines. My first memories are that of being on a machine that spun me in all directions. It was this that prevents me from even being on a swing- as the movement and motion of simply rocking back and forth is enough to induce nausea with me. In other training- words, sounds, and symbols were imbedded in blinding flashing lights that rapidly flowed in the apparatuses that were strapped to my head. I couldn’t look away or close my eyes because they prevented eyelid movement with small clamps on my lids. Electric shock was often used in my abuse as a teaching method, and the fear of answering wrong made my adrenaline rush to the point that I was beyond hyper aware.

Drowning was also used as an obedience tool. Held under water until unconsciousness- the pain of waking with water in my lungs and the spasms induced by choking was a familiar thing in my childhood. Like I was told- “life Is pain”, and I quickly learned to be what was expected of me- although my obedience didn’t stop the torture of my training.

Much of the program I went through was all about reading people and influencing events around me. Basically looking for psychic achievements, I was taught to see into people- watch how they act, and figure out what they were thinking. Graduating each level- I was taught to remotely view conversations at a distance- first by listening, then by reading lips, until it came to a point that I was expected to look into their heads and try to feel what they were thinking. More than that- I was trained to look into a person and find out what frightened them.

It is hard to explain- but the best way I know of is to equate it to what social workers can tell you about abused children. They become hyper-aware of their surroundings and the people around them. They become conditioned to guess the moods of their abusers as they desperately do what is only human, and try to avoid being hurt. Those involved in my training as a child wanted to take this to an extreme- see what happens, and ascertain if they could control it. Had my father and stepmother (who came into my life when I was three), not made me light a man on fire when I was 10- which was neither part of my official training nor was I drugged in any way, who knows what I would have become. However, it messed everything up and destroyed my program of being a psychopath.

(The thing about my father is that he was trained just as I was, by his uncle Phil in Michigan. But this was no excuse for the things he did as an adult, and I hated and feared the man most of my childhood. My stepmother just came along and, from my experience, enjoyed hurting others- esp. children. Taking my biological mother’s place- she became and remains still the primary abuser in my life, and in many ways- is more responsible than my father as she was not groomed to be a monster but willingly and eagerly took on the role. My mother- completely broken- went on to drink herself to death.)

Up until then – the Satanic ritual abuse that I suffered went hand in hand with the MKUltra training, although there is a huge distinction in that my training at Offutt Air force Base was abuse that happened to me personally- and the blood sacrifice that I was forced to partake in happened to others. Killing children was common in my childhood- and I was schooled in the rituals of worshipping Satan and manipulating the energies of the dark. No- we didn’t conjure any demons up and commune with them- but that wasn’t to say that rituals weren’t enacted to give worship and gain favor with dark forces. For me as a child- Satan was much more real than God- and in many ways- MUCH more powerful.

Human sacrifice is a necessary part of the dark side- and for me- all I remember of those we tortured, cannibalized, and killed- in that order- were prepubescent white boys. ALL of my training had a Nazi flair to it but although I know survivors who killed African Americans; such wasn’t true of my abuse. There also were NO BABIES murdered by our group, or at least none that I am aware of. However, there were countless numbers of young boys sacrificed- and at the moment right after their death, we always drank their blood and I always got raped.

Being buried alive in a casket with a corpse was also part of my abuse, as well as watching other children be buried. Forced to lay on a grave in Forest Lawn Cemetery after I watched a boy being buried alive, I was told to listen closely and see if I could hear him screaming. For the longest time I figured the boy was dead until my sister pointed out that he probably was dug up later on- just as I was dug up eventually. But then- everything was a mind fuck back then.

A constant in my childhood was always being drugged, thus preventing me from really knowing what was going on a lot of the time. Mantras such as “Remember to Forget” were drilled in my head, and I spent much of my life- as a result- doubting my own reality and life experiences. Often times it was just easier to pretend it wasn’t happening- or mentally drift away so that I wasn’t consciously there- and the drugs helped make that possible. Dissociation was so much easier when I was doped up and desperately trying to escape what was happening to me. Mentally going somewhere else- or pretending I was someone else- to escape the horror, shame, and derogation that I was experiencing was an everyday experience for me.

When I wrote Rabbit Hole- A Satanic Ritual Abuse Survivor’s Story, I wanted to see what I remembered in black and white to help me figure out if what I lived through was real or just crazy. I had been content all my life believing that I was crazy because it was easier than actually dealing with the truth of the whole mess, besides- when my father and stepmother weren’t trying to convince me to commit suicide- they were doing their best to negate and reconstruct my every day reality by assuring me that I was crazy- horribly flawed- and “not worth the air that I breathed.” But a funny thing happened in writing Rabbit Hole in that I learned that what I remembered was not only possible- but probable considering all that was going on at the time. I gained a whole new perspective of the world that allowed me to find my place in helping to expose and change what I believe is still happening to others still today. The thing is- there are a whole community of survivors who can relate to everything I have said in this post and have their own tales of horror as to what happened to them. And although we are all different and lived in different areas, our experiences are all too similar to each other.

There are two things that differentiate me from many other survivors in that I never really repressed my experiences and I have what so many others lack- and that is corroboration from another family member- that being my older sister. All three of my older siblings went through what I did, only they had it worse because my father and his friends were much younger and more energetic when they were children- although their enthusiasm certainly wasn’t lacking years later when I came along. We all remembered what we had experienced, and spoke about it in great detail when we would reminisce about our childhoods and what we all had gone through growing up in the family that we did. Although my older sister and brother are now deceased- there are still two of us left- and considering that my sister graduated at the top of her class at the end of both her undergrad and masters level work, she can hardly be considered crazy like my family always asserted about her when she stood as the whistleblower and began speaking out loud of a past the rest of us were all too eager to forget.

Always asked the question why I didn’t end up dead or in jail- it took me a long time to admit that it was only by the grace of God that I survived- and learning the energy work that I did in my training has allowed me, as an adult, to connect with the world and those within it in a way that wouldn’t have been possible had I not gone through what I had. In a way-I kind of look at it as if I went through God’s training camp and learned how to be a warrior as a result. Taught to be tenacious, unrelenting, and have no mercy basically- I have come to the conclusion that what is one life to give to God, and so I have, throughout the years, educated myself as to how to use what I was taught rather than run from it- thus becoming the man I WANT to be rather than allow myself to be the monster they did their best to convince me I was. I have come to grasp the fact that I am formidable in my own right and what they taught me so voraciously works in ways that I don’t think Col. Michael Aquino (top satanist, founder of Temple of Set, and my main instructor in the dark arts) and his ilk ever imagined.

One last thing- I can’t impress upon people enough that there were not, nor has there ever been, alien lizard people involved in mine- nor any other survivors abuse. What I and so many others have endured is the worship of demons- and it is this that I fight against- and not some dumb alien mumbo jumbo. The war mankind is fighting is much greater than aliens from outer space, as it is spiritual in nature. I was taught of the new world order- the grand plan to rise and be gods while subjugating the masses to nothing less than slavery. Eaters and breeders are what the general population was referred to, and there has been a long standing plan to create controllable chaos as people are so much easier to control when they are scared and hopeless. World domination- all with the help of demons- or dark energy- or whatever you want to call it, that has been fed decade after decade, century after century, by a bunch of power hungry Luciferians who believe that Satan lives and have been preparing the world for the war he is about to have with God- which they believe he will win. I was also taught that this time was now respectively. However- again- it was men and women and NOT alien lizard people that were behind this- and it is they, and the system they support- that needs to be exposed and not some otherworld takeover conspiracy.