Dissociative Identity Disorder – Protecting Little Parts from Being Accessed Online


Fifty-year-old Regina experienced early childhood trauma in the form of sexual and physical abuse. She learned to adapt to the abuse by dissociating the trauma and dividing into different personalities. She now holds the memory of these childhood events and feelings within ‘parts’ of herself that represent her as a whole person. She has Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) – meaning that the ‘parts’ of herself or ‘alters’ experience themselves as separate personalities. Some of these ‘alters’ have names, different ages, likes, needs, and dislikes, etc. For instance, when Regina was being abused as a young child, she never received the love and care that all children need and deserve from their mother. Her mother was her ‘abuser’. She never had a doll or a stuffed animal or toys. Rather than hugs, her mother beat her. Regina’s little parts continue to crave love and the attention of adult women – despite the fact that she is actually a fifty year old woman.

‘Multiples’, as we will refer to people having created ‘systems’ during childhood trauma often relate in their ‘now’ world as if they still children. As happened with Regina, the person may not be aware that these ‘little parts’ have such extreme needs as the basic love and nurturing of a parent or caregiver. Thus, we have an adult very vulnerable to anyone offering to fulfill these needs. Multiples also report symptoms of ‘losing time’, meaning that there is amnesia between parts. During ‘lost time’, vulnerable parts are literally in danger of being accessed by anyone who knows how to ‘play the part’ of the nurturing mother or child friend.

DID is what could be considered by some as a ‘controversial disorder’. It is, however, accepted internationally by the mental health professional community (NAMI, 2014). The controversy of this disorder was created by a group called the False Memory Syndrome Foundation, who during the 90’s tried to create a false public opinion that people with DID are reacting to therapists’ suggestion and/or a need for attention. Thus, survivors suffering with symptoms of early childhood abuse have found it difficult to get quality mental health care. And, social work students and psychiatrists are either ignorant of how to treat DID or learned to misdiagnose, despite that the common symptoms of DD do not fit any other classifications in the DSMV. They are taught to believe that DID is not ‘real’ and to accept that accepting it will somehow discredit them.

Though all of this is nonsensical and ridiculous, it is a reality. As ‘public opinion’ happens, we all are subject to adapting. And, in this case, public opinion has succeeding in silencing survivors of childhood trauma in a fear that they will be judged by the public as looking for attention and/or the victim of some crazed therapist.

But, times are changing. The FMSF is falling into decay, as more and more people begin to realize that they never were a ‘scientific community’, but bullies with enough money to publicize their agenda to a public that did not want to believe how rampant child abuse is in the world.

This whole scenario has left many adult survivors scrambling for some kind of support and validation with little knowledge of their own systems or vulnerability of the very system that once protected them. It has also left abusers whose fear is that survivors will ever become vocal, and they be discovered for their crimes. There are also members and followers of the FMSF who will do anything to silence survivors and the mental health professionals who treat them.

What I have shared so far are simple facts. You can do your own research – it is all there. This article is being written to relay a very simple warning to multiples who make themselves vulnerable to any perpetrator, regardless of their body age or knowledge of their own diagnosis.

So let’s take a look at how perpetrators can take control over someone like Regina’s system. We have to remember that perpetrators are experts at controlling children during abusive situation. They only need know that these children have basic needs of any child and will do anything to get those needs met – and offer to fulfill them.

Most of these perpetrators find multiples who are on the internet in support groups or meeting in real life groups looking for support and validation. These perpetrators are often called ‘trolls’, because one troll can quickly go through an entire community by accessing one ‘weak link’ – as they call the person they target – generally someone in a trusted position within the community. How is this done?

Perpetrators not only are aware that DID is a very real condition, but how their systems generally have and do adapt to the world. First, dissociation ‘is’ hypnotism. Multiples are experts at hypnotism. No one needs to sit them down and perform any act, but just need to talk to them in a kind, quiet voice, look them in the eye and, poof – they are in a trance. Or, Multiples can be triggered to switch to other parts by certain stimuli in their environment: toys, a motherly voice, a suggestion of love and attention, etc. Multiples must dissociate before switching. Perpetrators know that the best way to succeed is to get the victim either on the phone or in person for this to happen. Once they have control over the victim, they have control over adult actions. Befriending Multiples’ little parts through the internet is enough to gain trust.

Let’s take a look at what happened to Regina. She innocently joined an online support group. She earned other members’ complete trust within the group and became an administrator of the group. She became so close to the members of the group that she began spending large amounts of time interacting on the telephone and even in real life with them. New members gave over their personal information without a thought.

Then the perpetrator easily infiltrates the community as a fellow Multiple. He/she portrays as nice, understanding, motherly, and controlling. Within just a couple weeks, she/he accesses Regina and gains her complete trust. How? She simply tells Regina how much she ‘loves’ her, sends her gifts that would normally be for small children, and treats fifty-year-old Regina as if she is four or five-years-old, triggering ‘out’ Regina’s little parts, and fulfilling their needs. The troll soon learns the names of Regina’s little parts and spends most of the time talking to them. Regina is not aware, but in her adult form is loyal to the troll, believing he/she to be totally and completely trustworthy following their lead and actually ‘changing’ – acting as if in a ‘trance’.

In a ‘normal’ relationship, this would seem so strange and inappropriate. Everyone has parts, of course, but to hear an adult woman talk like a child or a mother to another adult woman would be odd and intrusive. It would be sort of like someone being hypnotized to believe that they are five years old and within this trance, they follow around the hypnotist as if they were their mother – who instructs them how to act and behave – as well as putting a suggestion that the love will be taken away if they don’t behave as instructed.

Now, we have Regina accessing an entire group as instructed by the troll. Regina believes that the troll is trustworthy. Regina even works to give his/her more and more access to all of the members. Regina becomes loyal to the perpetrator just as children become loyal to their abusers.

Why would perpetrators care to do this sort of trolling – looking for people and groups on line to access? That is simply answered. This sort of intrusion effectively keeps survivors from trusting each other. There are always survivors who will not fall for this sort of activity. These survivors know not to trust adults who call them on the phone or tempt them with baby talk, etc. Once a group is accessed by trolls, members will either follow them or refuse to trust anyone in the community any longer. Either way, the group has been torn apart with the very drama and chaos they know will silence survivors. Trolls sit back and watch as survivors actually turn on each other.

This is a case of perpetrators having access to survivors who are grown, by knowing that they continue to react as if they are children. These survivors probably do not have qualified therapists who have taught them how to relate to the world as adults. They have not taught them that no one will ever fulfill the basic needs that they did not get as children. Anyone who tries is a dangerous person. Survivors need to teach each other to relate to the world as one whole adult person. Yes, we all have parts and some are little and vulnerable, but still parts of the whole adult woman. Therapists who ‘separate’ out the littles as if they are different people are not helping the client. The most difficult part of healing is accepting that we will never have a mother who cares, toys, stuffies, or a normal childhood – including the basic love that all children deserve – NEVER. That very fact gives perpetrator access to every Multiple who has not done the work of mourning the loss or their childhood.

I am writing this as I have watched perpetrators so easily access Multiples on the internet and in groups. I have watched as good people became their victims for many, many years – ultimately inhibiting healing as they search for happiness and security within a false person who is using them for their own benefit.

Regina did finally gain help through a good therapist who encouraged her to mourn the loss of the childhood. The therapist helped her investigate enough to realize that the person that she so trusted was sent to target her and use her to disrupt the group. Once she realized that all of her alters were part of herself, she began relating to the world as such, returned to the same group and helped it be a safe place for everyone by sharing her story.

Thank you, Regina. Survivors do need to stick together and learn from each other and to help therapists realize just how vulnerable we are without their help.

It is my belief that with 49 million survivors in America alone, we all need to support each other. We need to be wary of wolves dressed in sheeps’ clothing. An adult ‘playing’ to be multiple by ‘befriending’ and offering presents, motherly and child talk is someone NOT to be trusted. To act as they ‘expect’ is to let them take control. This is not okay – Everyone should ‘trust’ according to if and how people respect you as an equal and intelligent adult. That is just commonsense.

Some Details About My Conditioning/Programming In the MKUltra Program **TRIGGER WARNING**

Many people have asked me to give specifics of my programming, and so I have decided to detail some of the things I went through. This could be incredibly triggering for some- so please read no further if you think this article could affect you in a negative way. I just feel that it is important to discuss and explain some of what I endured as a child and try to offer my explanations as to why.

The reason why the False Memory pedophile protection squad fights so hard to keep Dissociative Identity Disorder in the realm of conspiracy theory is that this was the goal of the MKUltra training. Programming helplessness in children- those in charge believed that their subjects were much easier controlled when inducing extreme trauma and fear as children. Dissociation was the goal of their studies, and the PP Squad realizes that if what so many of us went through comes to the public light there could be a huge outcry. That is why the False Memory Syndrome Foundation formed and has fought so vehemently against allowing any real discourse on the subject for the past three decades. Nothing more than a campaign to keep our governments criminal actions quiet through propaganda and intimidation, the False Memory Foundation is the voice of this movement to protect those who stand accused of crimes against humanity- let alone their own children. Claiming that all of our memories of abuse are fabrications caused by bad therapists, the false memory pedophile protection movement has done anything and everything they can to discredit our experiences. However, many of us, like me- never “repressed” our memories, which is why there is a new surge to quiet and isolate anyone who would discuss what happened in our childhoods.

I was involved with MKUltra before I was born. My mother went into labor with me Thanksgiving night but my birth was somehow held off until December 6, 1966. Being born into a family that was actively practicing Satanism- it was incredibly important that I associate with the 666 in my birthdate, as I was raised to be the Anti-Christ. Doing their best to make me into a sociopath- or worse, a psychopath- I was inducted into a program of abuse at my birth and it was all I really knew right from the very beginning.

I remember always being strapped down- to chairs, beds, and worse, their machines. My first memories are that of being on a machine that spun me in all directions. It was this that prevents me from even being on a swing- as the movement and motion of simply rocking back and forth is enough to induce nausea with me. In other training- words, sounds, and symbols were imbedded in blinding flashing lights that rapidly flowed in the apparatuses that were strapped to my head. I couldn’t look away or close my eyes because they prevented eyelid movement with small clamps on my lids. Electric shock was often used in my abuse as a teaching method, and the fear of answering wrong made my adrenaline rush to the point that I was beyond hyper aware.

Drowning was also used as an obedience tool. Held under water until unconsciousness- the pain of waking with water in my lungs and the spasms induced by choking was a familiar thing in my childhood. Like I was told- “life Is pain”, and I quickly learned to be what was expected of me- although my obedience didn’t stop the torture of my training.

Much of the program I went through was all about reading people and influencing events around me. Basically looking for psychic achievements, I was taught to see into people- watch how they act, and figure out what they were thinking. Graduating each level- I was taught to remotely view conversations at a distance- first by listening, then by reading lips, until it came to a point that I was expected to look into their heads and try to feel what they were thinking. More than that- I was trained to look into a person and find out what frightened them.

It is hard to explain- but the best way I know of is to equate it to what social workers can tell you about abused children. They become hyper-aware of their surroundings and the people around them. They become conditioned to guess the moods of their abusers as they desperately do what is only human, and try to avoid being hurt. Those involved in my training as a child wanted to take this to an extreme- see what happens, and ascertain if they could control it. Had my father and stepmother (who came into my life when I was three), not made me light a man on fire when I was 10- which was neither part of my official training nor was I drugged in any way, who knows what I would have become. However, it messed everything up and destroyed my program of being a psychopath.

(The thing about my father is that he was trained just as I was, by his uncle Phil in Michigan. But this was no excuse for the things he did as an adult, and I hated and feared the man most of my childhood. My stepmother just came along and, from my experience, enjoyed hurting others- esp. children. Taking my biological mother’s place- she became and remains still the primary abuser in my life, and in many ways- is more responsible than my father as she was not groomed to be a monster but willingly and eagerly took on the role. My mother- completely broken- went on to drink herself to death.)

Up until then – the Satanic ritual abuse that I suffered went hand in hand with the MKUltra training, although there is a huge distinction in that my training at Offutt Air force Base was abuse that happened to me personally- and the blood sacrifice that I was forced to partake in happened to others. Killing children was common in my childhood- and I was schooled in the rituals of worshipping Satan and manipulating the energies of the dark. No- we didn’t conjure any demons up and commune with them- but that wasn’t to say that rituals weren’t enacted to give worship and gain favor with dark forces. For me as a child- Satan was much more real than God- and in many ways- MUCH more powerful.

Human sacrifice is a necessary part of the dark side- and for me- all I remember of those we tortured, cannibalized, and killed- in that order- were prepubescent white boys. ALL of my training had a Nazi flair to it but although I know survivors who killed African Americans; such wasn’t true of my abuse. There also were NO BABIES murdered by our group, or at least none that I am aware of. However, there were countless numbers of young boys sacrificed- and at the moment right after their death, we always drank their blood and I always got raped.

Being buried alive in a casket with a corpse was also part of my abuse, as well as watching other children be buried. Forced to lay on a grave in Forest Lawn Cemetery after I watched a boy being buried alive, I was told to listen closely and see if I could hear him screaming. For the longest time I figured the boy was dead until my sister pointed out that he probably was dug up later on- just as I was dug up eventually. But then- everything was a mind fuck back then.

A constant in my childhood was always being drugged, thus preventing me from really knowing what was going on a lot of the time. Mantras such as “Remember to Forget” were drilled in my head, and I spent much of my life- as a result- doubting my own reality and life experiences. Often times it was just easier to pretend it wasn’t happening- or mentally drift away so that I wasn’t consciously there- and the drugs helped make that possible. Dissociation was so much easier when I was doped up and desperately trying to escape what was happening to me. Mentally going somewhere else- or pretending I was someone else- to escape the horror, shame, and derogation that I was experiencing was an everyday experience for me.

When I wrote Rabbit Hole- A Satanic Ritual Abuse Survivor’s Story, I wanted to see what I remembered in black and white to help me figure out if what I lived through was real or just crazy. I had been content all my life believing that I was crazy because it was easier than actually dealing with the truth of the whole mess, besides- when my father and stepmother weren’t trying to convince me to commit suicide- they were doing their best to negate and reconstruct my every day reality by assuring me that I was crazy- horribly flawed- and “not worth the air that I breathed.” But a funny thing happened in writing Rabbit Hole in that I learned that what I remembered was not only possible- but probable considering all that was going on at the time. I gained a whole new perspective of the world that allowed me to find my place in helping to expose and change what I believe is still happening to others still today. The thing is- there are a whole community of survivors who can relate to everything I have said in this post and have their own tales of horror as to what happened to them. And although we are all different and lived in different areas, our experiences are all too similar to each other.

There are two things that differentiate me from many other survivors in that I never really repressed my experiences and I have what so many others lack- and that is corroboration from another family member- that being my older sister. All three of my older siblings went through what I did, only they had it worse because my father and his friends were much younger and more energetic when they were children- although their enthusiasm certainly wasn’t lacking years later when I came along. We all remembered what we had experienced, and spoke about it in great detail when we would reminisce about our childhoods and what we all had gone through growing up in the family that we did. Although my older sister and brother are now deceased- there are still two of us left- and considering that my sister graduated at the top of her class at the end of both her undergrad and masters level work, she can hardly be considered crazy like my family always asserted about her when she stood as the whistleblower and began speaking out loud of a past the rest of us were all too eager to forget.

Always asked the question why I didn’t end up dead or in jail- it took me a long time to admit that it was only by the grace of God that I survived- and learning the energy work that I did in my training has allowed me, as an adult, to connect with the world and those within it in a way that wouldn’t have been possible had I not gone through what I had. In a way-I kind of look at it as if I went through God’s training camp and learned how to be a warrior as a result. Taught to be tenacious, unrelenting, and have no mercy basically- I have come to the conclusion that what is one life to give to God, and so I have, throughout the years, educated myself as to how to use what I was taught rather than run from it- thus becoming the man I WANT to be rather than allow myself to be the monster they did their best to convince me I was. I have come to grasp the fact that I am formidable in my own right and what they taught me so voraciously works in ways that I don’t think Col. Michael Aquino (top satanist, founder of Temple of Set, and my main instructor in the dark arts) and his ilk ever imagined.

One last thing- I can’t impress upon people enough that there were not, nor has there ever been, alien lizard people involved in mine- nor any other survivors abuse. What I and so many others have endured is the worship of demons- and it is this that I fight against- and not some dumb alien mumbo jumbo. The war mankind is fighting is much greater than aliens from outer space, as it is spiritual in nature. I was taught of the new world order- the grand plan to rise and be gods while subjugating the masses to nothing less than slavery. Eaters and breeders are what the general population was referred to, and there has been a long standing plan to create controllable chaos as people are so much easier to control when they are scared and hopeless. World domination- all with the help of demons- or dark energy- or whatever you want to call it, that has been fed decade after decade, century after century, by a bunch of power hungry Luciferians who believe that Satan lives and have been preparing the world for the war he is about to have with God- which they believe he will win. I was also taught that this time was now respectively. However- again- it was men and women and NOT alien lizard people that were behind this- and it is they, and the system they support- that needs to be exposed and not some otherworld takeover conspiracy.

The Ivory Garden Trauma and Dissociation Conference 2014

First of all- I was wrong about Pat Goodwin aka Felicity Lee. It is funny how some people know all the right things to say to get a person to start doubting themselves and start questioning the intentions of those around them. Somehow knowing all the right things to say to instill fear and distrust, they will go to any lengths and stop at nothing to achieve their goal- that is keeping survivors divided, contained, and isolated. Felicity and I have worked with each other for several years now- and is one of the dearest friends I have. I fell prey to rumors and lies about Felicity and the disinformation campaign that was waging against her and acted a fool as a result. Still, she reached out- forgave me- and then asked me to come to the conference after all of the ugly and incorrect things I claimed about her. Despite being overwhelmed, incredibly unappreciated, and facing attacks much worse than my sad rant- she single handedly created one of the finest conferences that has been ever been held. Even through it all, she took the time to reach out and offer me forgiveness even though she had no reason too. She is one of the kindest, most giving, and talented human beings that I have ever had the grace to meet- and the fact that she has physically put her time and money and effort into helping people over and over is testament to this woman’s strength, perseverance, and warmheartedness.

The conference itself was a one of a kind- as no one anywhere has brought therapists, advocates, and Dissociative Identity Disorder clients into one room before. All of the misconceptions of what survivors are like were dispelled in the three day conference- as survivors, for all intents and purpose, are articulate, intelligent, and talented in ways that amazed me. They didn’t carry around teddy bears, they didn’t act out, and they each had a self knowledge about themselves that only comes with deep introspection. Survivors were able to join together- meet, and listen to some amazing info from the stellar line up of speakers that came to talk.

The info presented by Sandra Paulsen and Colin Ross got top ratings, as did every one of the speakers that spoke. All of the people presenting at the conference knew their stuff inside and out- and each were incredibly gracious and patient- answering as many questions as they could from a group of people who openly seemed relieved that they were all in a room where everyone was able to speak intelligently and knowingly about what we went through and where we could just be ourselves. Many of the speakers spoke about feeling uplifted and almost changed from the conference- as so much was learned by the bringing us all together.

The conference was incredibly secure- but funny enough- except for a small gang of women who were the customary grumblers you have at such an event- there was absolutely no drama. In fact people couldn’t say enough good about the conference, and it now has each group- therapists, advocates, and survivors, thinking how each of us can network together to make a lasting change for the betterment of mankind. No longer isolated from each other- we all began a dialogue that, in the end, will give a much more solid view of the issues we are facing when people are subjected to incredible and repeated trauma throughout their childhoods.

The fact that this was all put together and made possible by one person is truly amazing. Felicity, never stopping or failing to act upon her desire to help people- faced incredible adversity to make this event possible- and yet, in the end, despite it all, provided something that was desperately needing and greatly enjoyed by the people she has proven over and over that she would honor and help, myself being one of them.

Great things are coming and a second conference next year on the second weekend of October- the 8th through the 11th in Seattle at the Double Tree, (same place as this year), is already in the works. This time, however, one of the big changes will be that lunches will be offered so that we all can network even more. Felicity is inspiring by what she DOES- and those out there who would speak against her, to them I say WHATEVER. The only one who has been willing to stand on the front lines with me and try to expose this mess in every way possible, Felicity has proven over and over what an inspirational soul she has- and everyone should book seats at the next conference early- cause I have a distinct feeling that it is going to be an almost instant sellout. Kudos Felicity- and thank you!

The Distinction Between Satanism and Luciferianism

I think it is appropriate at this time to distinguish between these two thought processes- since they are not the same thing as some people may believe.

Anton LaVey – who headed up The Church of Satan, was a Satanist. Organizing his sect in the 60’s, his idea was to mock Christianity and God as a whole. Generally designed as a social experiment- LaVey often performed “mock” rituals that somewhat mirrored Catholicism, claiming he was an atheist all the while he was doing it.

Luciferianism however is much different. Col. Michael Aquino was a student and partner of LaVey until he broke away from the Church of Satan and formed his own group- Temple of Set. The difference between the two is that whereas Satanism is designed to mock God- Luciferians believe in the anti-Christ and a Milton “Paradise Lost” version of a war with Heaven- although they are under the false impression that they will win. Where Satanism is designed to mock- Luciferians believe in the rituals that they perform- they believe in demons, and they believe that they will take over the world when the anti-Christ is in power.

Contrary to popular belief- the world is not overrun with Satanists but rather, the people in control are more of the Luciferian mindset. Working towards world domination and complete control of the masses is much more detailed in the Luciferian mindset- as those who believe in the upcoming Son of Satan are doing their best to make the world ripe for him to take control of it. Aquino is NOT a Satanist but rather a Luciferian- as the children that he has slaughtered are designed to manifest an energy that the anti-Christ can use. Whereas Satanists mock- Luciferians are quite literal on the rites they perform, and there is ALWAYS human- generally child- sacrifices involved.

In my travels, I hear a lot about “lizard beings” from outer space taking over- but there were NO aliens involved in neither my training nor any of the rites I was forced to perform. What we are battling is not from outer space- but rather is from within- in the form of demons and negative energy. This whole “aliens from outer space” has been used, esp. by Aquino- to dismiss his involvement in hurting children- and his belief in demons, hell, and the anti-Christ. Equating his practices with some strange involvement with space aliens, his hopes are that society will dismiss his actions as nothing more than craziness. Thus far, unfortunately- it has worked.

Also, the Bohemian Grove, is not filled with a group of Satanists but rather Luciferians. Their mock ritual with a child effigy is a blatant act to dismiss their involvement in real life child sacrifices during the off seasons when there are just a handful of people on the grounds. But be assured- the rituals and sacrifices that are performed by Luciferians are very detailed and taken incredibly serious. Based on astrology- numerology- and ancient rites, this group is doing their best to bring the world to the brink of destruction in order to fulfill their hopes that when the anti-Christ does take over- it will guarantee their place at the head of Satan’s table, thus assuring them of their continued power and control over the world.

Today- as we are astrologically in the time of Ophiuchus, is the purported time of this uprising. The heart of Ophiuchus is believed to be where the gates of Heaven resides- which is why mankind is seeing this flurried activity of not only Satanists but also Lucierianism. This is why idiots like Doug Mesner, aka Lucien Greaves- are pushing the Satanist agenda so hard in the courts and the media. This is meant as a distraction to keep people from seeing what is really going on with population control and the direction of mankind as a whole. If you follow that clown- their hopes are that no one will put together the very real agenda of a Luciferian take over. What we are fighting are not aliens from outer space- but rather demons and a very real belief by our most powerful that these beings will help our rich and powerful keep what they have struggled so hard to steal throughout the years.

So as you are celebrating Halloween this years- just rest assured that there is a concerted effort to bring hell on Earth to every man, woman, and child. Looking around- honestly- with open eyes- anyone can see that they are very close to this now- and in the end- those who stand on the sidelines will be removed as Heaven rises up to claim what has always been, and always will be, God’s domain.


Re-evaluating My Role in Advocating for Survivors of MKUltra and SRA

I have spent some time lately lamenting over the activism I have been involved with and the consequences It has had on my life after I attended a survivor conference and dealt with the group of people I have been trying to help. Granted- most of the attendees to this conference were women- and many of them so broken that they have issues being there for themselves let alone for anyone else, but still- the disdain they had for me was palatable and nonetheless affected me. In fact I began to question why I ever got into this mess in the first place. It seems that the healthiest of survivors are those who have removed themselves from their terrible pasts, and have gone on to live their lives for themselves. However- I have, in the past, equated my situation to being in a warehouse. I was lucky enough to get out of that warehouse- but outside I had a choice to make. I could keep running and never look back- or I could go back in, believing that if I made it out once- I could do it again- but this time help others get out with me. The choice I made, for better or worse, was the latter one.

I have had a lot of opposition to what I have done. The False Memory Pedophile Protection Squad has attacked me in every way they can- calling me crazy, a liar, and accusing me of placing myself in situations that I had nothing to do with- although anyone who reads Rabbit Hole can tell that isn’t true. My half-sister- 9 ½ years younger than myself- has sent out emails and gone online to invalidate me any way she could, although she is too young to even know what she is talking about- while her mother, Joanne C. Shurter- my step mother and primary abuser- has remained quiet throughout the whole thing. Probably due to the fact that my older sister Kathy- who is 12 years older than myself- not only validates what I have said but has the paperwork to prove it. In many ways- for the past decade- I have felt like I have been on the front lines of this fight with little to no help in sight. Now, after attending the last conference- I have realized that it is because survivors are just too fractured to actually make a difference in their OWN lives let alone anyone else’s.

Dissociative Identity Disorder- once called Multiple Personality Disorder- was the objective of the MKUltra project- which is why there is such a fight to discredit the condition. Our government continued those projects that were being performed in WWII concentration camps because, quite frankly, Hitler was on to something with them. It wasn’t just about making assassins and spies and sex toys- the main goal was societal control. How to dominate the population is what they have been after. When this started to come out in the early 80s, suddenly we had Paul Bonnaci in Omaha come forward- pretending to have DID- which was associated with Satanic Ritual Abuse, in order to discredit all of it. Anyone who was in Omaha at the time knew that the powers behind the abuse needed desperately to discredit Alecia Owen- whom, as a minor, carried Omaha’s Chief of Police at the time Robert Wadman’s unborn child in her womb. This whole fiasco gave birth to the False Memory Foundations theory that satanic ritual abuse and DID are conspiracies. The evil behind Omaha’s past gave birth to the organization which has made millions of dollars defending accused pedophiles and discrediting victims of abuse.

I am getting ready to write a thesis trying to detail and explain my father’s crimes in relation to all of this mess- and say to hell with all of the personalities that have done their best to try and control the perceptions regarding all of this. It is true- the “leaders” of the survivor groups in America have gone out of their way to discredit me- but I can’t take it personally since they each attack each other as well. I don’t have any desire to be “THE ONE”- the one who breaks all the truth of this out- the one who everyone listens too- etc. In fact, I think that in order for the truth of this to all come out- survivors and their advocates need to network TOGETHER- in order to come out as a concentrated force of truth. I truly believe that this all has been allowed to go on for as long as it has not only because there was a concentrated effort to keep in going by our government and those in power- but because the egos of those who are able to stand against it are so vast that it keeps any real work from being done to expose it. The survivor groups and conferences just keep people fractured- keeping them survivors and preventing them from the next step- which is becoming THRIVERS. In order to keep doing what I need to do- I MUST separate myself from these groups even more so than I have- and focus on trying to bring the truth to the general population. Along my way I have found a great many people who are advocates of the truth whose ego’s aren’t invested in all of this- who actually want to make a difference- and I think that those are the people that I will finally make a difference in all of this.

Going in Another Direction

Wow- have you ever had the cold hard slap of reality wake you from a dissociative fugue in such a way that you question what you have been doing in the world? This past weekend was this way for me- and I am still dealing with the repercussions of my realizations.

I don’t have much at all in common with the survivor community is what I discovered. Having given as much as I have- and fought as hard as I have- all for a community I don’t much identify with was a harsh reality to come to terms with- and I am still reeling from all of it.

I dealt with several professionals this past weekend- and did realize that I could be of assistance to them though. Being reminded of how hard it is to find survivors who can articulate and understand what was done to them is almost impossible- as most remember it as a discourse of fragmented memories. I also have an older sister who can back up what I have said- while giving her own articulate explanation of what happened to us. We can also discuss it without being triggered like most survivors. The emotional intelligence we have garnered is very helpful with all of this.

I was also told by someone way up on the chain that my book had been brought up in the past couple seminars he has attended- so my work proceeded my introduction- which was nice. The fact that people are starting to listen and respond is a good thing, and it will be those advocates that bring this all out to light- and not by survivor’s themselves I think.

Anyway- I wanted to post something to my blog so that it doesn’t get so old. I am getting ready to write a manifesto of sorts- in order to explain in what setting what all of this seems to be about for me- so that is something to look forward to if any of you are interested. It is time that I just write a concise article explaining this as best that I can.

Reviewing the World in Which We Live and Its View that Satanism is a Constitutional Right of All People

America- in fact most of the world- has become so sinister that it is hard to take any of it seriously. Promoting satanism- the media runs to Lucien Greaves, aka Doug Mesner- who is claiming that under the constitution the devil can and SHOULD be promoted, every chance that it can get. Of course Doug- (I refuse to call him Lucien Greaves- since he chose his last name Greaves from another Greaves (Philip R. Greaves II to be more specific) who wrote “”The Pedophile’s Guide to Love and Pleasure: a Child-lover’s Code of Conduct”), pretends to take all this seriously although in actuality thinks that this whole thing is a joke. Obviously- since he had national media take pictures of him tea bagging a grave site connected to the late Westboro Church minister. Claiming that he is both a satanist and atheist- the American media eats it up and can’t seem to get enough of his point of view- while others, like myself, are censored and kept quiet although there are plenty of people who disagree with his stance. Like Harvard, who had the decency to tell him to shove off after he tried to perform a satanic black mass on campus. Claiming that under our constitution his view of “anything goes” is his God given right, he is pushing to erect a statue of Baphomet with two adoring children in Oklahoma City right beside a statue of the Ten Commandments.

I have said this before and i will keep saying it that I believe this media fascination with the horn hat wearing Mesner is nothing more than a distraction to prevent people from listening too the myriads of claims against the real satanists like Michael Aquino- who worked extensively for our government. Aquino claims that anyone who speaks out against him are pedophiles “projecting their sick fantasies onto him” for some strange reason. Of course his main detractor years ago was Diane Napolis who he claims says that he is in league with people from outer space. The fact is that most people don’t much care for Aquino- and the last time he was on national media- via the Oprah Winfrey show, 800 of his victims called in and claimed that he had sexually and satanically abused them. Which is why the media is now deflecting away from Aquino to the manchild Mesner. Doing its best to poo poo satanism and the hold that it has had on our society- the media is now doing what it did in the 80s and trying to make a joke of the whole thing so that society will discredit the whole mess as some sort of wide spread conspiracy theory.

And society seems to eat it up. So let me explain what goes on in a REAL satanic mass. Children are murdered. Not only murdered- but tortured before they are murdered. Children are abducted- treated well for about a week before they are murdered, and then, on the night they are murdered- are skinned, terrorized, and butchered. At the pinnacle of their suffering- when they are killed- their blood is drank because all of the endorphins act like an aphrodisiac- and those involved then have sexual orgies. The reason why the remains weren’t found in Omaha- which is where I suffered through this- is because they were cremated at Forest Lawn Cemetery, which was no more than five miles away. It disturbs me that many of my critics on Amazon complain that I don’t go into enough detail of the ritual sacrifices and go into gory detail of what happens during the whole event- as it seems all they want is to be fed the disturbing nuances of it all for some sick reason I can’t fathom. Treating it like it is some sort of horror movie rather than a true series of events- it seems that these unfathomable acts are designed as mere entertainment to feed the masses rather than what they truly are- CHILDREN BEING TORTURED AND MURDERED TO HONOR SATAN AND BRING ABOUT THE WORLD IN A WAY THAT WELCOMES THE SUPPOSED UPCOMING ANTICHRIST.

Most who speak about these practices are dismissed because their is no one to corroborate their stories, but my older sis- who is 12 years my senior- CORROBORATES MINE. In fact we corroborate each other. This is why I have been personally attacked on the internet and anywhere else that this group of satanist lovers can trash me- because I don’t fit the parameters of what they have held with this mess since the formation of the False Memory Foundation. They have even claimed that my sister, who has supported me in this- isn’t really my sister but me acting like my sister. This is complete bullshit- but then that is what this group of satanists is known for- COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT. Mocking anyone who disagrees with their sick and twisted views on what is right and wrong- they name call- much like Aquino- in order to distract and detract from what the victims claim happened.

And society listens to the satanists. Which is why, today- I feel that the world- and everyone in it- deserves everything they get from this and more. Fighting for the dark- no one can whine when it finally comes to pass. And it is people like Aquino and pedophile loving Mesner that are doing their best to help this to fruition. All the while most of society sits back and finds the whole thing entertaining.

Satanists want to give out materials in Orange schools

Source: Orlando Sentinel

September 15, 2014, 4:49 PM

A religious group called The Satanic Temple is making plans to hand out literature in Orange County Public Schools later this school year, following distributions by atheist and evangelical Christian groups. The New York-based Satanist group hopes to use a distribution as a form of protest.
Atheist group lawsuit against Orange schools dismissed; group can distribute materials in high schools.

“If a public school board is going to allow religious pamphlets and full Bibles to be distributed to students, as is the case in Orange County, Florida, we think the responsible thing to do is to ensure that these students are given access to a variety of differing religious opinions,” said temple co-founder and spokesman Lucien Greaves. The district has not received a formal request from the temple, but school officials say they reserve the right to review materials.

However, Orange has twice allowed a group called World Changers of Florida to distribute Bibles, and an atheist group gave out materials last year. In both cases, district counsel Woody Rodriguez said the pamphlets and books were being allowed to avoid a lawsuit.

The Satanic Temple, a relatively new group that supports social justice causes and believes Satan is the “eternal rebel against the ultimate tyrant,” wants to give out materials such as The Satanic Children’s Big Book of Activities. Greaves said the book contains information for students on protecting themselves from corporal punishment at school.

“They have no ability to keep out the Satanists and the literature they want to distribute unless they close the forum altogether,” said FFRF attorney Andrew Seidel.

more at link….

Read more: http://www.orlandosentinel.com/features/education/os-satanic-temple-orange-schools-20140915-story.html
Satanists Plan Rally in Support of Florida Gov. Rick Scott
Source: ABC News

The Satanic Temple is planning its first major rally, which will be held in support of Florida Gov. Rick Scott later this month for — which might sound ironic — signing a bill that allows for the possibility of prayer in public schools.

The religion’s founder Neil Bricke, who is based in New York, is expected to speak at the rally. Bricke uses an assumed name for Satanic-related business and would not reveal his real name to ABC News. The group also hopes to open a temple in New York in the next few months. It may be telling that the Satanic temple will be located in New York and the group’s first rally, scheduled for Jan. 25, will be held in Florida.

“New York is a pretty good place for Satanism. Florida is too,” said Satanic Temple spokesman Lucien Greaves.

The Florida bill that has delighted the Satanists is Senate Bill 98 and gives students “sole discretion in determining whether an inspirational message is to be delivered” at a student assembly. The bill prohibits school officials from participating in or influencing whether an inspirational message will be delivered.

Satanists feel that the policy “does a lot to support religious diversity,” according to Greaves.
“The Satanic Temple embraces the free expression of religion, and Satanists are happy to show their support of Rick Scott who — particularly with SB 98 — has reaffirmed our American freedom to practice our faith openly, allowing our Satanic children the freedom to pray in school,” the Temple said in a release announcing the rally.

“This is a great country. Everyone has a voice,” Gov. Scott’s press secretary wrote in an email to ABCNews.com when asked about the rally.

Read more: http://abcnews.go.com/US/satanists-plan-rally-support-florida-gov-rick-scott/story?id=18219915
gads…..look what happens when you allow religion into public schools!

Deleted Amazon Post by Michael Aquino about his Book Extreme Prejudice

Michael A. Aquino says:

Dear Ms. Kelly,

Mrs. Aquino and I appreciate your response, but both reason and truth are wasted on hobbyists, who are essentially just projecting their own pedophile fantasies on others to avoid confronting themselves in the mirror. The only ones who pay attention to them anymore are others with the same fantasies.

I am perfectly content for sincerely and seriously interested persons to read _Extreme Prejudice_ for themselves and decide for themselves.


The post got deleted by Amazon before I could read the whole thing- but this is the beginning that ended up in my email. Funny how someone who has been accused of hurting children over and over calls all of his detractors pedophiles. Telling about the kind of person Aquino is.