This weekend I have once again been asked why I keep going on about the happenings in Omaha back when I was a kid, and I wanted to answer on my blog so that I don’t have to keep answering. It is funny- I usually find that the people who ask this are, for the most part, pretty unsympathetic and most notably self impressed, such as Critthink on Amazon when they asked me why I just don’t let the past go and live my life. Last night I was told that at my age I just “need to get over it”, and yet- this same person (not Critthink) will go on and on about how corrupt our government is and how our constitutional rights are being stripped away more and more everyday. It is this that I think is the problem- in that so many people involved with trying to expose what is happening here in America have their own agendas and they are all somewhat diva acting in their attitudes and such. I am no different- I definitely have an agenda- and my experiences- and those of my siblings and other survivors here in Omaha are PROOF as to how corrupt our government has been from the very beginning, and I have no intention of just getting over it and getting out of the way of those who swell with their own self importance. Child abuse, child trafficking, drug trafficking- all of these issues matter even now- as they are still problems we are facing as a nation, although I am not having to go through it myself at this time (probably since I am no longer a child). But just because my experiences have stopped doesn’t mean that the practice of abuse has, esp. where it concerns children.

I was also told that what I am doing is “too little, too late”, but I believe that it isn’t over until I take my last breathe- and EVERYTHING that helps is important- no matter how little or late it might be. Building themselves up by tearing others down, it is this attitude that probably keeps a lot people from doing anything, as some of us probably believe that it won’t make a difference in the end and won’t be appreciated even if it did- but I believe that you never know who you might reach or whose mind you might open and so it is never “too little too late”. Of course- this was said in order to hurt me and close me down- but judging what I have gone through, it will take more than a foul mouth individual throwing around insults to close me down or stop me from doing what I have been doing for the past 7 years now. For better or worse- I am comfortable in my own skin and with what I have accomplished- and though there are plenty of people trying to tear that apart for whatever reason, I won’t be deterred.

It has also been said that I am self impressed, and that my ego is keeping me from achieving my goals- but my mother always told me that if you don’t “toot your own horn”, no one is going to do if for you. I am proud of my blog and the numbers that hit it daily- as it has taken years to get to this point. I am also proud that I wrote a book that is being considered for best book of the year by a bunch of my peers. Most who tear at this have not done anything substantial in their own lives in my opinion, as I don’t see the need to tear at others accomplishments to make mine better. I am proud that God has used me to do the work I have, and I am also happy with the fact that I didn’t just go “live my life” as I think that I have a chance to change the part of the world that I live in, and that means more to me than just my own happiness. I have found life to be much more than just about me- and I feel no need to trash another in order to have a sense of my own accomplishments. I also won’t let strangers try to steal my accomplishments away from me by belittling me or what I have done, esp. considering that those who do generally don’t have accomplishments in their own lives. It has taken me a long hard time to come to terms with being comfortable in my own skin- and I won’t allow those who can’t say the same to trash me. Sometimes you have to stand up for yourself, and I guess I feel this is one of those times.

Life is difficult- and each day it seems to be getting harder, but tearing at each other isn’t going to make things better. I may not be pretty, or the smartest, or the fastest- but at least I am on the field trying to make a difference- and in the end, that is all that matters to me. My achievements are not so much mine but rather need to be shared with the group- as I have done NONE OF THIS alone, but I have no time for those who are so self impressed that they feel they can say whatever insulting and insensitive things they want to whoever they want whenever they want. As I have grown older- I have tried to develop a stronger and higher emotional IQ, and although I have been guilty of what I am complaining about myself in the past, I also realize that I am the only one who can change myself- and to do that I need to surround myself with decent, strong, and compassionate individuals who are constructive with their criticisms rather than stating their own self importance by declaring how much I suck. Nobody needs or wants this type of behavior- and I am no different.

Regardless of what has been or will be said in the future- I am not going to be deterred. I will continue until these situations get exposed and the behaviors dictating them are changed, and those who don’t like it or feel that it is worthless can sit on the sidelines or do whatever- they just don’t have to do it around me. And that is my rant for this morning.