Re-evaluating My Role in Advocating for Survivors of MKUltra and SRA

I have spent some time lately lamenting over the activism I have been involved with and the consequences It has had on my life after I attended a survivor conference and dealt with the group of people I have been trying to help. Granted- most of the attendees to this conference were women- and many of them so broken that they have issues being there for themselves let alone for anyone else, but still- the disdain they had for me was palatable and nonetheless affected me. In fact I began to question why I ever got into this mess in the first place. It seems that the healthiest of survivors are those who have removed themselves from their terrible pasts, and have gone on to live their lives for themselves. However- I have, in the past, equated my situation to being in a warehouse. I was lucky enough to get out of that warehouse- but outside I had a choice to make. I could keep running and never look back- or I could go back in, believing that if I made it out once- I could do it again- but this time help others get out with me. The choice I made, for better or worse, was the latter one.

I have had a lot of opposition to what I have done. The False Memory Pedophile Protection Squad has attacked me in every way they can- calling me crazy, a liar, and accusing me of placing myself in situations that I had nothing to do with- although anyone who reads Rabbit Hole can tell that isn’t true. My half-sister- 9 ½ years younger than myself- has sent out emails and gone online to invalidate me any way she could, although she is too young to even know what she is talking about- while her mother, Joanne C. Shurter- my step mother and primary abuser- has remained quiet throughout the whole thing. Probably due to the fact that my older sister Kathy- who is 12 years older than myself- not only validates what I have said but has the paperwork to prove it. In many ways- for the past decade- I have felt like I have been on the front lines of this fight with little to no help in sight. Now, after attending the last conference- I have realized that it is because survivors are just too fractured to actually make a difference in their OWN lives let alone anyone else’s.

Dissociative Identity Disorder- once called Multiple Personality Disorder- was the objective of the MKUltra project- which is why there is such a fight to discredit the condition. Our government continued those projects that were being performed in WWII concentration camps because, quite frankly, Hitler was on to something with them. It wasn’t just about making assassins and spies and sex toys- the main goal was societal control. How to dominate the population is what they have been after. When this started to come out in the early 80s, suddenly we had Paul Bonnaci in Omaha come forward- pretending to have DID- which was associated with Satanic Ritual Abuse, in order to discredit all of it. Anyone who was in Omaha at the time knew that the powers behind the abuse needed desperately to discredit Alecia Owen- whom, as a minor, carried Omaha’s Chief of Police at the time Robert Wadman’s unborn child in her womb. This whole fiasco gave birth to the False Memory Foundations theory that satanic ritual abuse and DID are conspiracies. The evil behind Omaha’s past gave birth to the organization which has made millions of dollars defending accused pedophiles and discrediting victims of abuse.

I am getting ready to write a thesis trying to detail and explain my father’s crimes in relation to all of this mess- and say to hell with all of the personalities that have done their best to try and control the perceptions regarding all of this. It is true- the “leaders” of the survivor groups in America have gone out of their way to discredit me- but I can’t take it personally since they each attack each other as well. I don’t have any desire to be “THE ONE”- the one who breaks all the truth of this out- the one who everyone listens too- etc. In fact, I think that in order for the truth of this to all come out- survivors and their advocates need to network TOGETHER- in order to come out as a concentrated force of truth. I truly believe that this all has been allowed to go on for as long as it has not only because there was a concentrated effort to keep in going by our government and those in power- but because the egos of those who are able to stand against it are so vast that it keeps any real work from being done to expose it. The survivor groups and conferences just keep people fractured- keeping them survivors and preventing them from the next step- which is becoming THRIVERS. In order to keep doing what I need to do- I MUST separate myself from these groups even more so than I have- and focus on trying to bring the truth to the general population. Along my way I have found a great many people who are advocates of the truth whose ego’s aren’t invested in all of this- who actually want to make a difference- and I think that those are the people that I will finally make a difference in all of this.

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