I have been told that I shouldn’t talk about anything personal here on my blog- that I should leave it all about my book and investigation. That it isn’t professional to tell the truth as to what is going on in my life- like it is some embarrassing secret and should be kept silent in order to keep from embarrassing anyone. However, I think I am more than my investigation- and though I might not be professional- I am human- and what is happening matters.

To be honest- I had a hard time early last week and tried to take my own life. Both Michael Bernard and his friend Tracy Kristenson knew I had taken 61 xxanex- but told everyone – namely my sister and therapist- that I was drunk to prevent anyone from checking on me. Hoping that I would die and this could all be over – they left me for dead, and now want to cry victim that I’m still here to talk about it- even though they did their damnest to try and help me kill myself.

Setting me up to leave so that he could dump me in the meanest way possible- my heart has been ripped out by someone I believed loved me- although I couldn’t be more wrong. I write this on my blog not to do anything but to see if anyone else can relate to what I am saying.

Telling me that after being buried alive and having to light a man on fire- I would easily get over this- I find that believing that someone loved me for twenty years is a really hard thing to loose. Knowing that my father’s family relish in my loss is also not easy. They abducted and killed kids- and yet I am the bad guy here. All I have done is try to seek justice for a group of murdered kids- and in the process have lost all that I have held dear.

Michael is right- I will survive this. I am getting ready to focus on my second book- which will be about Michael- who was Tristian in Rabbit Hole, and my relationship and how the advocacy work that I did destroyed the relationship between us that I believed would last a lifetime. Leaving me for dead- I know that this was all a lie. And now- publically- professional or not- I plan to expose the human side of myself in hopes to better understand where I still stand in this world around me.

Leaving me bankrupt- broke- and basically homeless- I am beginning life again on the bottom, and it is my hopes that people will be able to see the human side to all of this- and not the business side that makes us all feel comfortable. All of this was done long distance- and even now Michael has not has the strength to face me in person but has chosen to run and try and wait me out. Knowing that he and his friends read this- it is also the only way I know how to face and deal with the emotions surrounding this. Trying to help me kill myself just last Monday by assuring those concerned about me that I was just drunk even though both he and his friend Tracy knew what I had done- there is no love any longer between us. He wishes me the worst. I guess the ball is now in my court.