I woke this morning and am really irritated and decide to write why. You have to remember, this is my personal blog and I really need to vent.

People out there are saying that I have no respect for the survivor community- and honestly, they are 110% correct- but let me explain why.

First- let me discuss the murder of Lori King. When she was alive- she was well known as an advocate who would go out of her way to help survivors any way she could. She gave money- time- and spent a great deal of effort to try and help survivors. She had well over 300 “friends” who claimed that they cared about her and loved her- but when she died- LESS THAN A HANDFUL came forward and tried to press authorities to get her murder investigated.

Pat Goodwin- on Ivory Garden- posted a memorial for Lori- but only FOUR could be bothered to post their condolences on the post. In fact- many survivors wrote Pat and complained that she put the memorial up in the first place. So out of 300+ of her so called friends- not one could be bothered to even type something nice in support of Lori- although she had spent her entire life trying to help them.

The worst part about Lori is that she WAS NOT THE ONLY ONE who was at Menagerie/Amber’s house the weekend she was murdered. There was a gathering- where a bunch of them flew in- which makes this conspiracy to keep Lori’s death quiet even more despicable. Their “friend” is murdered- and not ONE of them could do anything other than do their best to keep all of this quiet.

Of course- all the police had to do was get the flight records showing who flew in that weekend. “Amber’s” house is in the middle of nowhere- thus the airport in which they all flew into is small- making this a pretty easy part of the investigation. But with all of the survivors there that weekend- NOT ONE has come forward to the police. (Of course- now that I have pressed the issue- they won’t have too, because the police now are going to go to them).

How does Amber get so many survivors to pledge their allegiance to her murderous ways? She talks “baby talk” to them, sends them stuffed animals, and makes herself out to be their mom, dad, and GOD. (And this is NOT an exaggeration- she actually likes to present herself to survivors as their “god”). So Amber reaches out to their greed and they surround her in droves as a result. I find this sad, pathetic, and incredibly wrong. And yet survivors DEMAND that they are respected by others.

They let their “friend” get murdered and all conspire to stay quiet because the murderer gives them shit- and they get upset if this fact gets pointed out. (Of course- covering up a murder is a CRIME- not a game- and very few of the rest of society find this behavior acceptable, let alone the authorities).

People are upset with me because I have taken the stance on Neil Brick that I have- and are vilifying me for speaking my opinion and what my experiences with this man have been. Yes, it is true- in the beginning I fought for this man and extoled his “virtues” that everyone insisted that he has. I even wrote an article in 2010 talking Neil and his SMART conference up. I came across the article- which Neil has posted on his website- (WITHOUT my permission by the way- despite the fact that he claims otherwise), and was mortified at myself.

In my defense- (which is actually completely unnecessary in my opinion)-at the time I had JUST come in contact with the survivor community and was so overwhelmed and thrilled that there were others out there that I did just about anything I could to fit in and be accepted by these people. But time and experience has a tendency to change people- and yesterday- when I read what I wrote so many years back- I was disgusted with myself- as I could see I was just as deluded then as I find many survivors to be now.

What I have experienced by the majority of people who claim to be DID- (having multiple personality disorder) is that their “disorder” gives them a “get out of responsibility for their actions free card”. THEY aren’t responsible for the awful things they might do- but rather- it is all of their other personalities that did it- and so they can’t be blamed or held responsible for their bad behavior. Kind of like a sick ass version of the “devil made me do it” I guess. (I am sure that some of them are reading this article right now and are telling themselves that they aren’t responsible for letting the murder of Lori King slide because it is their OTHER PERSONALITIES who are responsible).

Why in the world would ANYONE respect this stance? But let’s be clear on one thing- I CERTANILY DON’T.

There are millions of survivors in the world- but where are they? What have ANY of them done to expose and try to stop this atrocity towards children? Other than going to conferences- which are nothing more than social groups- so they can get together, go out to eat, and get to know each other?

I got into all of this activism years ago- not because I wanted justice for myself- but because I realized that this was STILL HAPPENING TO COUNTLESS OTHER CHILDREN. If it had just been about MY abuse- I would have ditched this a long time ago- as nothing will EVER change the past. However, knowing that children are STILL being tortured, raped, and murdered compelled me to try and do something about it.

But to gain survivor’s allegiances-it seems you have to offer them shit (like what we can see with Amber Vollatton)- and since I am poverty stricken this is impossible. Survivors can argue this all they want- but if Amber has shown people ANYTHING- it is the truth of this FACT.

And so no- I don’t respect the a lot of the survivor community- neither for what they stand for nor what they do. And not only do I NOT care about fitting in with the majority of them- I have ABSOLUTELLY NO DESIRE to do so.

Neil Brick will claim that he has helped survivors- but all he does is throw conferences and post other people’s articles on his blog for the most part- and he makes a considerable amount of MONEY hosting his conferences, so this is FAR from altruistic. To survivors- in my opinion- what solely matters to them is THEIR abuse- what THEY endured- and what THEY need.

They could give a shit less that it is happening to others- and that others are ending up dead. You only have to look at their secrecy with regards to the murder of Lori King to see that they really don’t care about others- I mean- the whole situation of keeping her murder quiet and their allegiance to her killer shows that.

The minute you aren’t doing for them- they ditch you- just like they have Lori King. She got murdered and what have they done? Well- Amber is giving them shit so NOW they are supporting and protecting HER, dismissing the fact that it was AMBER who hurt Lori in the first place.

Some who stand against me try to use what I am saying in this article to vilify me- like Neil Brick claiming that the survivor community doesn’t trust me- and then get all indignant when I respond how little I care.

It has been my experience that the majority of survivors ALWAYS HAVE THEIR HANDS OUT- and their hands are ALWAYS EMPTY. And if you get hurt- or worse- murdered- like Lori King, they just pretend you didn’t exist and go on to the next person who will give them what they want. And WHO CARES Amber hurt Lori- it is in the past and now is now and Amber is giving everyone stuffed animals so I guess we are all just supposed to ignore Lori’s murder and move on! All the while these survivors are claiming that THEY are the victims and everyone else is the bad guy. (Unless of course the murderer is offering stuffies and such- which then makes it all acceptable).

In many ways- I believe the survivor community to be cut from the same cloth as our abusers. Survivors can do whatever nasty thing they want and justify it any way they need to be comfortable with themselves- and will attack anyone who says otherwise. They may not be killing and raping kids but the pain and anguish they cause is just as paramount, (as their SILENCE and INACTION are allowing COUNTLESS other children to be hurt)- and just like our abusers- many survivors NEVER take any responsibility for this. They aren’t responsible and if anyone claims they are- they can just vilify that person or worse, claim that their “other personalities” are to blame- which TOTALLY absolves them from any consequences in their minds.

Of course this doesn’t apply to ALL survivors as there are a few of us who are actually TRYING to help- but we are few and far between- and obviously- judging by where society is right now- we haven’t really been able to make much of a difference to expose or stop this. The rest are simply in it for themselves- and have no problem looking away and pretending you don’t exist if you end up getting murdered. What they have done with their “friend” Lori King is a PERFECT example of this.

Like Groucho Marx once said- “I don’t want to part of a club that would have me as a member”, and this ESP. goes for my place in the survivor community. I WON’T remain silent just because this survivor community demands it- I WILL speak out when I see a problem- and if the survivor community doesn’t like it- my reply is two simple words- TOUGH SHIT.

They can crawl up Neil Brick’s ass all they want- they can flock to Amber to get her stuffed animals- and they can expect the murder of Lori King to be brushed under the carpet in order to keep profiting from Amber- but I WILL NOT respect, nor adhere, to this sick and perverted celebration of greed and the need to fit in.

They can claim they are “afraid”, that they are “triggered”, or whatever stupid shit they claim to justify their bad behavior- but I WILL NOT just sit by quietly and let it all go just because I am afraid to rock the boat. I don’t find their behavior acceptable- I don’t think their behavior is justified- and I certainly don’t respect this assertion that they aren’t responsible.

Survivors ARE responsible- and what they are doing- as a whole- is not only allowing murderers to walk free- but is allowing COUNTLESS other children to get hurt. I care as much for survivor’s fear about as much as they care for others pain- which is NONE AT ALL. If they want to hide in their closets with their teddy bears- that is up to them- but I am not going to allow their fear to dictate my actions. And I am CERTAINLY not going to let their greed and selfishness control me.

The difference between many survivors and myself is that I am able and willing to take responsibility for my actions- and, more than that, I am willing to stand- ALONE if necessary- to try and do the RIGHT THING. Maybe that is because I only have ONE PERSONALITY- and I don’t have ANY issues if I come off as an asshole. The truth hurts sometimes- and I have no need to be placated nor do I have any desire to placate others.

Lori and I didn’t even like each other when she was alive- and yet I AM WILLING TO FIGHT FOR JUSTICE FOR HER. And you all can see- by their own actions- that her “friends” can NOT make that same claim- and despite what they believe- the responsibility for their behavior falls on THEM and NO ONE ELSE. THEY are as much to blame as Amber and her group, as they have gone out of their way to protect and shield Lori King’s murderer.

And again- if they don’t like me saying this- I have two words for the lot of them- TOUGH SHIT.