In recent months, I have been contacted by many survivors who have asked what they can do to get their stories looked at. One letter in particular, a mother and grandmother is desperately seeking out help and information as to how to reclaim her family from a cult, as every other avenue has failed her. Ignored, ridiculed and dismissed, she asked if I knew of any other way she could try to help her family. Unfortunately, I had no advice to offer her, because even in my position, the police would rather assume that I am crazy rather than telling the truth. It is like they say, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Such is the case with America’s problem with child trafficking and ritual abuse.
All hope is not lost however, as there are things that we can do to overcome the effects of such dismissal. Although we may not be able to influence and control other people, we DO have the ability to effectively cause change within ourselves. In my travels, I have learned that the only thing that I am able to control is me. It has taken even longer for me to come to terms with the fact that it is enough, and that change within me influences the world around me. As they say, real change comes from within.
Being dismissed and disregarded even after I have made videos, created a blog, and wrote a book detailing my concerns with abuse here in Omaha is incredibly frustrating, and has a tendency to make me angry at times. Unable to make others see what happened, I feel as if I am continually beating my head against a brick wall trying to get others to grasp and accept what has happened to so many of us. The loudest and most active survivor in Omaha, it is hard for me to see whether or not I have accomplished anything in the years that I have crusaded against this at times, and I wonder if I am just repeating old behaviors of trying to fix what cannot be fixed. It is hard not to lose hope in all of this.
But God works in mysterious ways and what I have come to understand is that perhaps all of this is not about everyone else, but rather, about me. The only thing constant is change, and the only thing I can control is myself- but grasping the concept that this is okay- that it is ENOUGH, is harder than one would think. Whether I succeed in getting an investigation, or reach a point where I am able to ask forgiveness for the families that my family hurt, is not as important as the lessons I have discovered about myself in the process of my journey. Had I not gone through what I have, I may never have understood the depths of strength and compassion that dwell within me. Had I not experienced the pain, I may never have realized the love that overflows within me. Perhaps, and I am just guessing here, but maybe life is not about the destination of our goals but instead is more about the process that we go through in our achievements and failures. It has been through this process that I have discovered a side of myself that I never knew existed, and regardless of whatever happens or doesn’t happen, it is impossible to deny this aspect of my life and I consider it a huge blessing.
It is probably survivor guilt that compels me to reach out and try to help other survivors, and lately I have begun to understand that there is really little I can do. Just like the mother who was scared for her family- I have no answers as to how she can fix her situation, or who she can go to for help. The police, in my personal opinion, are worthless- barely able to think without being told by their directors as how to do their job, and their superiors are heavily politically motivated by money and position- and so the chances of any of those worker ants rocking the boat is basically nil. The authorities support the status quo- and getting them to do anything is impossible, either because they are lazy, politically motivated, or inept. My experience is that going to local authorities is worthless, which is unfortunate because they are the VERY ONES who could bring change to this situation, but perhaps it is crazy to ask the establishment to fix itself, and the police are nothing more than well paid grunts of the system, at least here in Omaha anyway.
The media will never help as it is more a distraction than a news source, and again- they are a heavy part of the establishment. Our national propaganda machine- the media has an attention span shorter than a child with ADD, and is not interested in doing anything other than keeping its ratings and making a buck. Controlled by the very same people who own everything else, the media is more foe than friend, and as such, can’t really be trusted to any real degree. No survivor that I have seen has ever been helped by the media- so those of you who are considering this as a viable source of healing, you should probably rethink it.
So what is the answer? I have begun to fall back on my old friend’s adage of “know yourself, control yourself, and give freely of your time and energy”. The key to our healing is realizing that we are enough, and that God and the entire Universe only wish to show us that in abundance. We are not alone in any of this, and whether anyone else understands or comprehends what happened too many of us makes little difference when compared to the fact that WE know. I don’t need anyone else to validate my past because I KNOW what happened. I don’t need anyone else to agree with me, because they weren’t there and they are only expounding upon convictions based on ignorant opinions that are formed to help make them feel safe so they can sleep better at night. I guess that is why speaking my truth has become so important, which is the only solution that I have come to accept. That I am enough, that I am aware, and that I cannot only speak my truth, but have a responsibility to do so to help try and educate those who are still asleep.
None of us can do this alone however. With all my efforts, I have still gotten nowhere, and I have grown to understand that it is going to take ALL OF US SPEAKING OUR TRUTH to make any significant changes in the system. Together, we can collectively bring forth our lightbearer souls in such a way that Heaven will flow through us and change the scope of the issues. Bringing our voices together as one- we will no longer be denied in the way that each of us as individuals have experienced. Society might be able to dismiss us as individuals, but we as a group will not be so easily disregarded. Effectively initiating change in the world around us, it is my absolute belief that each of us will find what we have been searching for in our own individual lives in the process. It is together that we will find our salvation, intimately and in the lives of others, and is the only viable option to effectively initiate any change for the future.
So, consider attending one of the national conventions bringing survivors together, either at the one in Davis CA in April, the Survivorship conference in Oakland California, or the SMART conference in Hartford CT in August. Together, we not only can make a difference- we WILL MAKE A DIFFERENCE, not only in our individual lives, but in the lives of future generations.