When I set up this GoFundMe campaign- I did so as a test. I wanted to SEE what would happen, and unfortunately just what I knew would happen DID.

Doug Mesner and his stupid “satanic temple” raises 100’s of 1000’s of dollars- so much so that they were able to build an 8ft bronze statue. Satanists obviously support each other.

Survivors- and their advocates- not so much. Sure I get “likes” on Facebook- but I often wonder if people actually believe they are making a difference clicking a button on a computer. OF COURSE everyone tells me that they want to continue- but that is pretty much because there is NO ONE to take my place. And if I keep doing what I am doing- it justifies everyone else in doing nothing.

Max Spiers and Lori King- THESE are the TRUE examples of how survivors support their champions. After they are picked off- survivors just shrug their shoulders and go onto someone else who they feel can give them what they want. And they are either COMPLETELY DISREGARDED- like Lori- or they are enveloped with a bunch of people trying to take credit for their work- like what has happened with Max.

I truly believe that most survivors are cut from the same cloth as our abusers- they can do whatever they want- justify it any way they need- and are NEVER responsible for their actions- and if you have an issue with anything that they do- YOU become the bad guy.

They are 1000% focused on what happened to THEM- but they couldn’t give a shit less about the fact that it is STILL happening to others. THEY are the important thing here. But loyalty- appreciation- even respect is beyond this group. Say something they don’t like- and see how true this really is. Tell them what they want to hear- and they will ply you with beautiful sentiments and flowery words- albeit COMPLETELY VOID of any authenticity. BUT DO SOMETHING TO PISS THEM OFF- and they will turn in mass on you. And you don’t have to even DO anything.

All Max and Lori did was get murdered. And we can ALL SEE how survivors and their advocates responded. This group wants to be saved- even if it means others have to drown. Of course- those “others” are children- but fuck it- they don’t deserve shit. No one saved us- so fuck them. But although the majority of survivors believe this- they will NEVER actually say this. No- and more so- they will become righteously indignant when the truth is pointed out.

With survivors- you ALWAYS need to remember that THEY- AND THEY ALONE- are the victims.

With everything that I have done- everything I have sacrificed- all the shit that I have had to endure with this mess- I realize that, in the end, all I have succeeded in doing was entertaining people; Which is what EVERY survivor turned advocate ends up doing- any REAL ones anyway. And if they pick us off- all survivors do is simply CHANGE THE CHANNEL and focus on someone else.

In many ways- survivors are EXACTLY like our abusers- although most of us will use God to justify ourselves and tell ourselves that our actions are acceptable- and our abusers don’t. THEY at least are honest; they DON’T care- they WANT to hurt others- and so they do so with impunity. Survivors just aren’t honest with themselves about being the same way. No- when we hurt and betray others- we just blame THEM- and if any slack does come back to us- we can always use the “I was abused as a child” as a get out of all responsibility free card. Or better yet- claim one of our “other personalities” did it.

I needed to see for myself what my place is in all of this- and now I have seen. But I am NOT like Lori or Max- I am not willing to bleed myself dry for the approval of such people. The same people who wouldn’t cross the street to piss on me if I was on fire. They will ALWAYS deny this- but their actions speak a bit louder than their words. These same people who just allowed their advocates to be murdered without making so much of a word.

THIS is support? THIS is loyalty? Not in my book- and I realize that it is about time that I allow them to do what they do best- and let them go look after their own interests. Let them deal with the world as it is on their own.

Maybe it has come time for ME to sit back and be entertained for a while. After everything- I think that it may be warranted. I certainly have NO INTENTION of becoming the pathetic patsies that Lori and Max became. So those who are drowning right now- better learn how to swim- because things have NOT CHANGED so much from when we were children. NO ONE is coming to save you. And that can certainly be said about me.