Lately I have been attacked over the Satanism that my family was involved when I was a child, and I just want to take a minute to address some of the concerns that have been leveled at me as a result. Before I do that however, let me first make clear that I believe that the satanic abuse I was forced to endure as a child was totally intertwined with the mind control project MKUltra, and I think that the Satanism, although pervasive, was nothing more than a way to 1. Scare the crap out of people and more importantly 2. To muddle the waters so much that no one would look any further than the superstitious sounding claims of the children being abused. Mixing abuse with religion, very few survivors are Christian as a result- not because we are inherently bad but because scripture and the Bible are an intricate part of our abuse, but there is such a paranoid outlook on the subject that it is hard to get through the misconceptions of the satanic aspect enough to even get a conversation about mind control going.

It is true- I am not a Christian, and at this point, I never will be. It is also true that Rabbit Hole: A Satanic Ritual Abuse Survivor’s Story had a working title called Confessions of an Anti-Christ, as that is what I was mind controlled to believe as a child. As such, I HAD to come to terms with my own personal darkness before I sought God- and I am sick to death of people taking liberty of thinking their uneducated opinions somehow diminish my relationship with my Creator. I have had a lifetime struggle to overcome the rage I felt over my abuse, and the fact that there are those who use their “faith”- and I use that term incredibly lightly- to beat those of us over the head who have, for a myriad of reasons, had to go down another path to reach God, is the reason why I dislike many Christians. Like Gandhi said- I like your God but I don’t like your Christians. No one but God stood with me during my horrendous and humiliating abuse- and as such, I don’t have much respect for the peanut gallery- who sit on their behinds and make judgments without lifting a finger to do anything other than hinder and hurt. Running their mouths simply to discredit and demean- I have found this attitude pervasive in my quest to get my father and his family investigated.

If my training taught me anything- it is that the dark exists. I have grown tired of this obsessive compulsion by most Christians to close their minds off to anything that is dark, believing that God is just Love and Light. If that was true- then children wouldn’t be where they are today- and it is this need to deny the dark that has allowed it to become as pervasive as it is in our society. Just because one denies the truth doesn’t make that truth any different- and I find that it is either because the person wants to feel comfortable and this is out of that realm, or they think that they are so weak that they are somehow going to be overcome by the dark and what is in it and get possessed or something. It has been the most bizarre thing for me in all of this- which is why I believe that the Satanism was the forerunner for the mind control problems, as the other side knew what would happen when people began to look into it.

I am not afraid of the dark. It doesn’t make me bad- or evil- nor does it denote that I practice Satanism, but rather it says that God lead me through it all in order to teach me so I that I could know my enemy on this side, and as such- I am not intimidated nor do I have an irrational fear that God will take away my free will and I will be possessed by demons or any of the other outrageous crap that has been said to me throughout this. Raised to be a warrior- my enemy is in the dark- and it is there that I must go to face the fight and my faith is strong enough to get me through it. I don’t have time to deal with this childish fear that God will forsake me, as Heaven has never left my heart or mind in any of it- and in fact it was what got me through in the first place. One must first GO INTO THE DARK before they can SHINE A LIGHT WITHIN IT, and this whole premise that God’s work must always be in the light is to deny the real fight. People are being enslaved, tortured, and dying while we sit on our butts and pray. Prayer is nice- and it definitely helps- but if that is the only action you feel comfortable enough to muster- then all I ask is that those who are so inclined step out of the way so that others can actually DO the work that needs to be done to try and stop this.

I have allowed myself to get sidetracked trying to garner up comrades in this fight when the truth is- this fight is not one that can be fought with others. Our destinies lie before us for us alone- and each of us must travel the path alone to some extent, as we come into this world alone and we generally leave alone. I was taught what I was for a reason- and I know that it works, which is why I am hardly the only person who has experienced what I have, and as such- I realize that it is the only effective way to fight the dark. Again- you must first go into the dark before you can shine a light in it- which is what FAITH is really about- and I guess it is time that I stop allowing people who have no idea who I am to dictate to me what is acceptable and what is not in this fight. I love God and all of Heaven, and more importantly- God and all of Heaven loves me- and it is time that I stop listening to everyone else and start listening to my heart.

This fight is intense, and there are very few who are actually willing to be on the battle field with this- as most survivors struggle to leave our pasts behind us while others claim they have too much to lose to join the fight, but whatever the case- there are not a lot of us out there fighting which tells me that perhaps it is time to go within and fight that way. Able to influence energy was something that was drilled into me from birth- and as I have said before, I am not only adept at it, but it is something I have excelled at in the past. This DOES NOT make me a Satanist- but I see no reason why I shouldn’t use what I was taught, especially considering it is so effective. Besides- any fool knows that no one is able to thwart the will of God- so for those who simply wish to bask in the light shouldn’t worry about those of us who are actually willing to fight on the battlefield. The fight is ugly- and if that interferes or contradicts with some peoples delicate sensibilities, then I suggest they do what they do best- and look away. However, for those of us who are in this- as they say- all is fair in love and war, so- again- I must say for those of you who are intimately involved in this that you need to come clean pretty soon, or else you risk being claimed by the very dark you have striven to promote, as I think that humanities time is beginning to run out faster than any of us can fathom at this point and you are quickly running out of time.