About Being Defensive

There has been some concern that I have a very defensive stance concerning what I am doing, and I would just like to say, in my defense, that it has not been easy putting my story out there and having the group of people come down on me as they have. Instead of considering what I have to say- I have been attacked by others personally- being called crazy, a killer, a pedophile, etc. All of these things are untrue- and to be quite honest- they have been pretty hurtful. I have decided to plod on- and try to get my story out there in hopes that someone might investigate it- but I am saddened at everything I have had to go through when I consider what others before me must have gone through as well as those who will come after. There is a real push to deny the truth- and most of the attacks are not about the specifics of my case but rather have to deal with me personally, and coming from strangers, most of them are flat out lies and falsehoods. However, suggesting that I am feeling defensive is not incorrect. I do. And I think there are good reasons why I feel that way, and considering what I have gone through- not only in my childhood but in my adult life trying to get all of this investigated, I think it is not only normal that I feel this way- but it would be abnormal if I didn’t. I am sick of being attacked- of having strangers make arbitrary comments about me anonymously and having those comments mean more than what I am trying to present about my history. All over the internet- on websites and chats and such- I have had amateur psychological conclusions being made that are ridiculous- and yet the gossip that our society seems to be obsessed with makes it hard to overcome those opinions. I was a victim of extreme abuse- and come from a family that made the Manson family look like the Cleavers, and I am sick of having a concerted group of people- such as Sheri Storm and others, purposely stirring and muddying the waters so that it becomes more about me than what I have been trying to present and have investigated.

The fact that I have been emailing Nebraska State Patrolman Deputy John Pankonin, Omaha’s city mayor Jim Suttle, Douglas County Judge Marlon Polk, the local Omaha FBI, as well as a myriad of others and have gotten no where but having my book seller’s threatened to prevent them from selling my book, I have found my situation completely and utterly frustrating. How does one get justice anyway- if they don’t have a large pocketbook- which is what I am fighting basically- large and powerful pocketbooks? And why is it that the crimes I am reporting are less valid than what a group of people what to personally think of me? There is no statute of limitations on murder- and that is EXACTLY what I am trying to get investigated. Regardless of who I am as a person, what I spiritually believe, and despite the fact that I have been increasingly frustrated at the lack of willingness on the part of our local officials to look into this- the crimes that I have and am reporting are real- and need to be investigated. However, because of politics, and money- I doubt this will ever happen- which is probably why I am so tense and disheartened. Am I defensive? Damn straight- but I have had friends and family members murdered over all of this- as well as having mine and others lives trashed to the point of annihilation- so I believe that I am justified with this particular emotional response.

Just think for a minute and ask yourself- how would you feel?

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